Paybacks Are Hell - Both Audio and Text

Kirby Kirby’s sister’s brother’s cat bit Bill Belushi’s 45 lb. Yorkie on the *** last Tuesday night, And I’m a real big fan of dogs so…when it comes to felines…bitin’ canines ANYWHERE, well...I don’t think it’s right! So I called Bill and told him, “If you’ll have that cat impounded…Sunday night you and I can sneak out to the pound And dump a bunch of Corn Flakes - laced with catnip, lye, and Drano - into what they’re feeding him and - put him in the ground!” “Sounds a little drastic,” Bill replied, “but my poor Yorkie moaned for seven days before the wound completely healed!” But…my effective words about how mean a cat can be helped him make his mind up…and the feline’s fate was sealed. Finally Sunday night arrived -- we put our plan in gear, and -- as we had been counting on - the pound was locked up tight. Not so good at picking locks, we ducked around the backside and started checking windows, trying hard to dodge the light. At last we found a big one that was helpfully unlocked, and stacked a couple cages up to help us breech the port. Having waked a bunch of dogs that started barking wildly…Bill began to panic, saying…“I say we abort! “All we need’s a few more minutes, Bill,” I softly snapped. “Remember…there’s a cat in here that scarred your dog’s rear end! He’s only here because you turned him in for what he did….and we’re both here ‘cause we believe that dogs are mans’ best friend. It wouldn’t be right to let that cat get by with what he did! That sucker’s in here someplace, and we gotta flush him out, And when we find that little turd these flakes ‘ll do real good for teachin’ him what - payin’ for bitin’ a dog is all about! Afraid to turn a light on that a passerby might spot -- Bill whipped out his cell and lit our way from cage to cage. The dogs seemed almost privy to the fact we were - intruders…and we became concerned to see so many in a rage! Again Bill showed a lack of nerve when he said, “Can’t we wait ‘til Kirby pays his fine and takes that stinkin’ cat back home?” I was gettin’ nervous, too, when…standin’ fairly close to a really pissed-off Pit Bull…I was actually hit with foam! Wipin’ off the slobber, I replied to Bill, “Stay calm! It’s gotta be here somewhere, and I know it’s orange and white, With a hairless tail and one blind eye….an’ there ain’t nothin’ worse than an ornery tomcat…‘specially one that’s mean an’ prone to bite! Halfway down the seventh aisle we fin’ly found the culprit. His dish was close to empty as I peeled away the lid On what he’d think, because of how it smelled, was quite the treat…and I prepared to -do-the-deed - when…just before I did… Bill, again, piped up, “Ya’ know…thinkin’ back to Tuesday…coulda been my dog was kinda - pickin’ on that cat! The scar ain’t all that noticeable, and Kirby’s sister’s brother ain’t the type that doesn’t care for dogs, er nothin’ like that… “So how about we -- chew ‘im out -- an’ tell ‘im - ‘Listen, cat…ya’ bite my Yorkie one more time and you’ll be good as dead!’ And if that one-eyed sucker tells us both to go to hell…we’ll throw his ornery *** into that Pit Bull’s cage instead!” “That’s a great idea,” I quipped…“that leaves it up to him…and once he knows his options, he can make or break his doom. But if we want an honest answer…best not let him know that…if that fool refuses…we’ll be changing out his room!”