No Lies....

You'll never believe me... But I have been as honest with you as I can be... Everybody lies.... The only variable to the problem is what do people lie about..... It's when you make someone face death, that's when truth becomes reality, when their version of their reality becomes clear, when their priorities come in line.... I have to face death, I have to go war, I have to fight or die, protect because no one will protect me, I have no one there to save my life but me.... Death isn't something I fear, but fear is something I have. Fear of dying alone, fear of going to war and not coming back to anything that loves me. Fear.... If you've known me long enough you know above all I hate fear, I've gone through great extremes to face fear, break fear, and erase fear.... Fear.... I'm no role model, I'm no hero, if I were their role model what would your children grow up to be? All I can say is that I try.... I haven't lied in a while, I've been as honest as I can possibly be, I don't know if that has been a good thing or a horrible mistake.... I don't know what's wrong with me.... Why you keep holding this against me, I've given you no reason to not believe anything I've told you, my lies are not lies, but what isn't said at all, which can't be lies. Mistakes I've made, and I hate them all, but I haven't made any mistakes in a while.... I just keep going through Karma's punishment and hope that soon my dept will be paid. But I know that Hitting Bottom isn't just a weekend resort. Please if anything... just believe I care, I hope you care, I love, I hope you love, I'll die for you, I hope you'll never say the same to me. With no lies, I say I love you and miss you. If you don't believe me, then you don't need me.... Just abandon me.