My Imaginary Camel and Me

Me and the camel decided to see who had the greatest amount of humps . . . The camel jumped up crazed in the pub and started to then strut his stuff . . . . Everyone lined up at the bar - so they could sup while marking the grades . . . And just in case the camel let free - in the corner was one almighty spade . . . You could but not admire the camel with his two huge humps side by side . . . But with all of his swagger and all of his slaver - “Oi” you - all the gals cried . . . After this farce of a parade - sat on the vicar’s lap all sweaty and flustered . . . What seemed to me an attitude he was the cool winner - done and dusted . . . All eyes in the pub turned on me - sat in the corner “Doon” in the dumps . . . All waiting to see if I could beat the camel by rustling up any more humps . . . Well this morning when I opened the door - the rain did nothing but pee . . . No buses - and by the time I got to work - the water was up to me knees . . . And a notice on the door - closed due to floods - a total major hump to me . . . The markers at the bar - now liberated - all nodded their heads - we agree . . . Time I had swam home - the cat had drowned - and my fridge was all at sea . . . The markers scribbled - all nodding their heads - again we all have to agree . . . The camel all remorseful by this was beginning to hang its head in shame . . . Anymore of this he remarked - then surely - I am going to lose this game . . . Me and my camel - we stood side by side - at the present both at a draw . . . One more major hump - and I’ll have beaten the camel by just one more . . . All the markers at the bar - all took a breather - as I trailed off to the loo . . . Sat for a shat - slipped on the tiles - returned indignant all covered in poo . . . It didn’t take much to see - them here markers at the bar scribbling like mad . . . With an up roar from the rest of the pub members - that I had it in the bag . . . The camel now disgraced - got off the vicar’s lap - and let one go in his haste . . . All jumped up - and all too soon - we were all knee high in the camels waste . . . The markers at the bar - didn’t know where to start - as we all got the hump . . . The camel did a runner - nowhere to be seen - the rest of us all in the dumps . . . It is fair to say - that just on this day - the camel looked fair to be the winner . . . But when it comes to life’s major humps - the camel was just a mere beginner . . ; ) Indiana Shaw