My Fantasy Vs. My Reality.

Staring in humans eyes trying to find my fantasy scarred when i realize that what i want his eyes to read is only inside of me. My eyes is where i should be. Mutually in despair both of my heart and soul permanently tainted running away from my misery. Wondering why i took us so seriously my emotions ran ahead of me and I tried to catch up with them but didn't really want to guessing it was always apart of me,me wanting you. I wanted you to love me,love,love me like the love on TV staring in human eyes trying to pull out my fantasy suddenly i realized it's only inside of me. Emotionally destroyed by myself I'm still trying to save me from myself from my pain and my memory of you. When now I know it never was you just me trying to build you and make you exactly what i hoped you to be. Staring in human eyes trying to form my fantasy. So what are you really? I guess i never knew I couldn't really tune in to reality TV because fantasy is much better trying to mold and shape you to be that guy the prince charming off of TV when it was always me.Trapped inside my visions of love my transparent delusions of you and me.If only I can see that it was always me never you because you can not be my prince.Staring into human eyes tugging at my fantasy.Is it tangible the love that is not me I've always been here designing you. Despite my reality I continued to pull,tug and scream for my fantasy; but it's only in me.I wanted you to love me crave me deserve me when I didn't myself. What's left of me? I took all of my energy making us more than what god meant for us to be. I have no pain,no distaste ,no despair,no anger towards you all towards me for forming you. I made the creature that i allowed to destroy me so why hate the creature? When it's only flaw was being made,being born, being created by me. I have been stuck in this fantasy and deep inside i am hoping that you my "prince charming" might save me from myself. I have deceived ,mislead,cheated, and hurt myself. I turned away from reality because i was falling in love with my fantasy. I once began to think that you and i belonged together "selfishly addicted to the life that i depicted".I've came to realize that "nothing can be done against the truth" but i tried to prove that to be untrue but in the instead I found myself to be untrue.So I now apologize to me for forming you and maybe just maybe after loving me I may find you only the real you not my creation of you.