It Is Cold-Ugly Outside Today

I wake up and I think what am I doing here? Why here? Why the bitter cold Midwest in the winter? Why not California or Florida, Georgia or Texas? Why this icy, cold, air-inducing asthma tundra? It is so cold out there. Only 18 degrees today, sometimes less, Zero degrees sometimes, minus six degrees other times. Why I am I here? I toy with the idea of calling in sick. I am an older worker, if I start doing this will they replace me with two youngers? I could make up an excuse and call in late; but then, I would probably forget the excuse that I used. Remember last time? It must be ugly-cold out there. My feet are freezing! Okay, Brain tells us, calm down. Be calm. Take deep breaths. Concentrate on your clothes. What about warm socks? You could wear two pairs of pants; you can double those socks. Your winter boots are pretty warm. I run to my bedroom and pull on anything and everything, Wishing I could find two fluffy socks that match, but I cannot. Black with white giant dots and neon-red and green that blink might be obviously too different even for me. I sit down for a second, take a drink of my coffee, look down at my shirt. It looks like someone stabbed me to death and I had black blood. The Oreo cookie that I dunked in the coffee is everywhere on my shirt. And it was just washed. I look like a train wreck! I change the shirt, and sit to reflect. I am so hot! So very hot. I cannot believe how hot I am. Listen, Brain says, start taking off some clothes. Maybe six shirts were too many. I take off two of them. My husband comes around the corner and asks “Why are you still here?” A primal scream turns into a roar, and I chase him back into his office. Ready to go now. All well. I send him an email asking him to buy me some fluffy socks that match.