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Inyour Eyes.

In your eyes, i burn. I get doused. I see the cheerfulness of the sun. I feel the coldness of the evening wind. In your gaze, i see a garden of roses, strewn with thorns. I pause. I whiten. I blush. ........too soon for love.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2008




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Date: 12/16/2008 12:35:00 PM
Hi K? I see you do use fewer words than I do. The fewer words you use the greater the importance if every word. Question? Why the small "i" in some lines & the "I" on others. As to "Father?" I see your point regarding ending at the 4th stanza. My point was not only did I seldom see him coming home but the last line. "But, the father whom I sought did nothing but retreat." So, if I shortened it I'd have to rework it so that point got across. Poem aboveLine three "I drown" Line 10 "I blanch."
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Date: 12/15/2008 5:31:00 PM
Nice...*Breana
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Book: Shattered Sighs