I. U. D.

Another tom tale of madness, and a true story. I have some health issues, One is Ventricular Fibrillation, A life threatening heart condition, But, if truth be told, An even more serious rendition Is Advanced Stupidity, I'm master of fools, My supposedly high IQ The most useless of tools, I have an implant in my heart To keep me alive, You'd think such a thing, I'd know like my wife But stupidity is strong, As a trait can surely be, And I am an example, For all others to see Last time to the hospital, I trip I know all too well, They asked me at once, What's up Mr. Bell? I kind of get confused, With all the acronyms Involved, So I told them that I Had not quite resolved I had an I.U. D., I said Thinking this was quite right, And was quite surprised, At the instant sight Everyone smiled, Or laughed out loud, Seemed I was missing The humor in this crowd... It was not a heart implant But I guess you already know Goes to show you, What a big shmoe... They all had a laugh, At my expense, I hadn't a clue, It didn't make sense.... Till someone did clue me, What I had said, I covered my head with sheets, And wished I was dead!