I Miss You, Dad

Hi Dad, I miss you. I’m sure you’re very happy up there and all the prep you did while you were sick paid off in wondrous ways. I’ve been thinking about our past and the good times you made sure we had along with the food on the table and the roof over our heads. I’ll never understand how you managed to raise six kids on your salary. Communication was never a big thing in our family. Your funeral was a prime example. It was just a sad showing before the mass and then a quiet ceremony. I was so happy to honor your passing by playing deep glorious Gregorian chants as loud as I could to accompany your rising above the clouds. It was as close to a ritual as it was going to get. What we don’t verbalize stays hazy, unexplored and undefined. Like you, I keep everything inside, I avoid conflict at all costs – overall this really hasn’t worked against me too much, the few times I exploded were not particularly winning outcomes. What’s the use? Teach someone a lesson? That never works. I’m just as happy being the way I am. It seemed to have worked out for you as well. You were a good model for following your heart and what you believed in even if you knew you’d pay for it. It was the price of freedom and making your own decisions. Self-satisfaction was the ultimate prize. I’m just like you – stubborn to the point of making stupid decisions and not caring that they’re stupid. That’s the way we exercise our freedom. If you can, I’d love it if you helped me to discover my life mission and what lessons I need to learn down here. One of these lessons must be to learn to make do with minimum money: as depressing as it can get, struggling does have its rewarding upside of promoting creativity. Maybe you can also guide me in my prep for the big final trip. I love you, I miss you. I’ll see you again some day. Always your baby girl xx Published in my 24-page photo/anthology ~A SIMPLE MAN~ 2020 AP: 1st place 2020 Posted on March 7, 2020