Factoidman and Shallowman - Part 1

[Well, ShallowMan’s ne’er at a loss for voicing shallow thoughts that gloss. With trenchant wit he reaps the dross when seeking sense in applesauce. But to his aid flies FactoidMan who always has a Fact at hand; with him, who needs a whether-man to answer “if?” or “but?” or “and?”?] FM “Oh ShallowMan, let me explain the Facts of life to you, so plain, yet flush with truthful thoughts arcane. When understood, you won’t maintain that callowness you think urbane.” SM “Oh FactoidMan, give benedictions, save me from all contradictions with your knowledge, no restrictions finding Facts, avoiding fictions.” FM “Well, when in doubt, you always may request my help to find your way through shades of black and white and gray, and from the Facts you’ll never stray. Yes, ShallowMan, I’ll make your day.” SM “Since yesteryear I’ve wondered why I’m served a piece of humble pie whene’er attempting to descry just what’s a Fact, and what’s a lie, and which be Facts one can’t deny. With candor, can you edify me with some recondite reply?” FM “Well, as you know, my Facts are Facts which naught nor nothing counteracts and things that do, mere artifacts in dim myopic cataracts.” “A lie’s a thing which disagrees with Facts I utter, if you please, and hides the forest from the trees ignoring all my verities.” “And this reminds me of my youth, with axioms defined as truth which I selected as a sleuth (abetted by a sweet vermouth); I being now so long of tooth, to contradict me’s hardly couth.” SM “That certainly helps me clarify whom I can trust: yeah, you’re the guy! Now, furthermore I’ve wondered why the moon can’t fall and clouds can fly. What’s called that law those facts defy? And mightn’t I just give a try to make a guess to verify?” FM “If you link your facts to law (ah, please excuse a gruff guffaw) you’ll certainly flaunt a flimsy flaw that strains belief and breaks the straw of what you’ve heard and thought you saw. (I‘ll leave you with some bones to gnaw that leave you holding me in awe when once you’ve grasped and gasped ‘aha’). So tell me now your ideas, raw, but keep it short, your blah, blah, blah.” SM “Umm, could it be just gravity (well, something like a theory that some call Relativity) which pulls the apple from the tree and puts a strain upon my knee; or is that fact absurdity?” FM “Ahem, a theory’s just a theory, not a Fact, it’s all so eerie, something which should make you leery as explained until I’m weary.” SM “If Relativity’s a theory, and a theory’s not a Fact, is it a fiction I can query when I’m falling, ere I’m whacked?” FM “Though theories might be based on Fact, a theory is, in fact, not backed by any cause, effect or act which might be salvaged when attacked. For you, this Fact may seem abstract, plumb depths where shallow thoughts distract.” “Yes, what goes up must soon come down is quite a Fact of world renown. But theory’s just a heathen gown to deck the naked King in town, and when he falls, he breaks his crown which leaves him wearing but a frown.” “It surely should be obvious, the property of Heaviness (like Godliness and Heaven-ness) defines the cosmic edifice, refuting Newton’s flakiness and Einstein’s spooky emphasis on space-time’s 4-D flimsiness. Yes, Facts like these are copious (I count them with my abacus); to argue would be blasphemous displaying mental barrenness about the push and pulling stress when bouncing balls rebound, unless one views elastic laziness as evil Satan’s stubbornness.” SM “Well now I think I understand, that gravity seems somewhat grand, but’s just, in fact, a rubber band that stretches through our earth-bound-land constricting us when we expand.” FM “Yes, ShallowMan, you finally got it, just as I’ve long preached and taught it. I’m so happy that you’ve bought it. (Not a question nor an audit - you’re so shallow, who’d have thought it?)” [Once ShallowMan dipped into science seeking FactoidMan’s alliance gaining, hence, a strong reliance on the Facts and their appliance, Justifying strong compliance, turning down those in defiance. SM “Hey, FactoidMan, another topic leaves me reeling, gyroscopic, dealing with the microscopic in a world kaleidoscopic.” “Within the realm of vacuum loops Dark Energy in quantum soups of anti-matter sometimes swoops across inflation’s Big Bang stoops where space-time ends and matter droops. Do you believe, or just the dupes? FM “It’s nothing but a passing phase, (a theory that in fact betrays obscure occult communiqués that fevered fantasy conveys) of those who thump creation days. Just check! The vacuum state portrays perfection in your shallow ways reflected in that vacant gaze you cast upon the dossiers of all my Facts that so amaze.” SM “And what about the quantum theory? Particles not hard but smeary, just like waves? It’s kinda eerie! Facts could not be quite so bleary leaving Bohr, well, sad and teary. FactoidMan, just tell me, dearie, what the Facts are, bright or dreary.” “And then again what are those holes (as black as ravens bathed in coals) wherein the past and future strolls exploiting fields that Higgs controls beneath the shady shallow shoals between magnetic monopoles.” FM “The science lab’s a ‘fact’ory concocting stuff that cannot be (like unknown realms and notably those tiny things NoMan can see with naked eye on bended knee neath microscopic scrutiny) and claim they’ve found reality; they call their god a ‘Theo’ry (a fig-ment of the Yum-Yum tree) that leads them to hyperbole about the singularity that’s dipped in dazed duplicity denying all eternity.” “Here’s my advice that seems to work: ignore the ones with ‘facts’ that lurk behind their ‘proofs’ (which always irk), and being challenged have the quirk of stepping back within the murk (indulged, I chuckle, smile or smirk).” Cont. in part 2