Confused

Abort the decisions, Abort the life, Abort the feeling, Of staying alive. Give up everything, Things I can't take, Give up on you, Our life we can't make. Then I know, I have to tell you, The feelings I get, The scare it takes, The scare to know, I won't be so lucky next time. What's the definition of a survivor? Does surviving only mean escape from death? Or is it any situation that you can get out of? How is it that you win, But feel like a loser? How is it that you pass, But feel like the one standing behind? How do you survive and don't at the same time? How do I ask myself over and over But never get a reply?