I need to read happy books
Not books about girls in paper-thin bodies
Because then I start thinking that is cool
I want to be like them
And the horrifying thing is
If Anorexia didn’t sicken me
I think I would do it
Just for fun
No excessive weighing or exercise
Not worrying about calories
I have a fast metabolism anyway
Just to see how little I can eat in a day
in a week
In a year
But I already think I’m beautiful
So if I do this then I become less beautiful
And disgusting and gross looking
So I won’t.
I say as I lick the tomato pie off my fingers
Because I have far bigger problems than girls in matchstick bodies
who don’t know that they were already beautiful
before they started starving themselves
And purging it all out in school bathrooms
I will say it again for those girls who want to be thin
Who want to be pretty
You do not need to do this to yourselves
I know your eyes are broken
Only seeing calories and numbers on the scale and I can go one more hour, one more day
You were already beautiful before you decided that breakfast was too much calories
And while we’re at it, lunch
You were already beautiful before you puked in the bathroom
Trying to get rid of the things in your stomach that were keeping you from your weight goal
You were already beautiful before they brought you to a hospital and stuck tubes in your stomach and your arms and everything is too much calories
You were already beautiful before the therapy sessions
Before you got told that you were going to get better
And you didn’t believe them
Do me a favor
You don’t have to believe them right this second
Because you’re too focused on staying the right size
Believe them before it’s too late
So that you can grow up
And tell your own story
When you do I want you to tell them this
I didn’t know it back then, but I was already beautiful
And for the ones who are starting right now
Get off social media.
Tell your friends to stop talking about impressing the boys.
Look at yourself in the mirror
And shove down all those voices that tell you that you’re fat
Because you’re not.
Not at all.
You are BEAUTIFUL.
And don’t let anyone EVER make you forget it.
Will you do that for me?
Can you promise?
Because I can tell you right now
I don’t know you or your stories
But I do know this
You can’t fall into trouble if you never start
And you can’t avoid trouble unless you stop
So for all you girls out there who hate your bodies
Who want to become birds and fly away
Stay on the ground
You’re safe here
Even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it
Tell those voices in your head
To go away and never return
You’re already beautiful.
Copyright © Veronica Figg | Year Posted 2021
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