A Look At Me...Self Evaluation

I looked into the mirror HORROR- GROTESQUE! And saw me looking back GASP! And quickly looked away. Words alone, of all languages in their many denominations NONE of them describe the sight of IT...me. This would explain people’s reactions to me Especially of late The Nile with its mixture of dirt, water, corpses, blood from plague Can not stand as representation of the mixed turmoil of emotions that I have felt The Hatred, Love, Pity, Self Hatred, Infatuation, Depression, Resentment in all its forms The shades, hues- colors of blood that cover my face, hands, limbs and heart. That I the epitome of pity, hate and exceeding rejection should stand to feel, to touch, to express-I am NOT worthy! but it remains repressed From blatant lies, deceit, Misconception, misrepresentation The need for self annihilation becomes more evident- resplendent Oh, If only I could find a Peace, a river, silence, serene An escape from bitter, cold, rotting existence, If only...If only...I had you...