8 Years- Part 2 of 2

Why is all i can remember about you pain, and loathe, more than joy and love? You never wanted me happy, yet my misery created your own happiness,... you never listened... didnt even pretend to. Were you ever happy with me? or proud? i dont care about others' opinions of a God and "better place" they dont know **** about who you were... what did I do so bad as a child to make you strangle me? I have given up on suicide, and have been dealing with life... its been about 5 years since I've tried... Why is it that you never truely cared? wish i knew why... Its been 8 years now and not a day goes by, That you dont cross my mind... In flashbacks or in a way,,... a mind that auto-rewinds. Though there are little memories that remain, Far and few between... my memory just fades. Such difficulty telling the difference between dream and memory.... I still dont fully know.. I can never be too sure which is which... my mind just goes... i have nothing to hang on with.. what can I do? My mind is gone, it leaves every day... the memory of you fades, your voice, your life, your face... sometimes I wonder if I would recognize you if I were to see you again,... R.I.P. Teresa Marie Reese (08/13/1964-08/18/2009)