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Sisyphus’ Lament

I took each hard punch 
And swallowed each raw pill. 
But you said it wasn’t a fair fight
And I agree, 
But you didn’t watch 
My tears each night, 
No, they weren’t 
For you to see. 
And I agree, 
So you watched me 
Push that boulder 
Up that hill
With a sickened grin of evil glee. 

You showed me a masterclass
Of secrets and of lies. 
Pretended to be there
And to care
As my life fell to pieces, 
And you sure tried
To knock me down while I was already low. 
And you had me do your bidding
Like I was just some slave
Cuz I knew when I left, that you’d 
Gleefully dance across my grave. 
Well, at least, now I know. 

And it’s not like you haven’t 
Done it before. 
To innocents and opposites, 
You paint them all in red. 
And then you cast them all as villains
In the crime drama going on in your head. 

It’s not like I’m saying 
We were never even friends
But that’s why it hurts more
Putting this chapter to its end. 
And I don’t think you’ve changed at all, 
At least, that’s how you still seem. 
Because when I checked your feed,
You’re in MySpace all the time
Responding to creeps like you’re 14. 

And now it’s time to close that book,
Like I’ve done so many times. 
As I leave you to your puzzle pieces
And your messed up, half formed rhymes. 
Trying to make us see that you
Control reality. 
Still stuck only in your head. 
You failed to see 
You were hurting me, 
And used me to twist your fame instead. 

Now I feel like I’ve become myself once more
So maybe now that we’ve settled the score
I hope the sky is always blue
Now that I’m an ‘X’ tweet away from you,
Using all those filters and all those like
Forming a story that sure does bite. 
Because none of it was ever really real, 
But curated by a computer for
A pretty and aesthetic reel. 

And I think that’s how you truly live your life, 
And I feel bad for your future husband or your wife. 
So I’ll thank you for the role you play
You were a friend, and I hope you stay
In the past where you belong
And only in the words of this song. 
Trapped only in the in between, 
But that’s how your life is formed, it seems. 
So I’ll continue up that stream, 
Thankful for all the lessons you taught me. 

Now I’m pulling the filter down, now I’m
Exploring every nook and cranny of this town,
Just like I used to do with you, 
But this time I’ll be in my prime, 
Not pretending I’m someone 
I’m not meant to be,
Finally going back to my own sacred reality.
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