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The Not so Glorious French Cuisine


The French are fond of foods most Americans 
would freak out on, and they’re not bargains.

Let’s start with the least freakish: rabbit (lapin) –
farm raised and bathed in a Dijon mustard sauce – 
like chicken say those who’ve tried it. 

Quail and pigeon (caille and pigeon) wont kill 
your appetite though it may your budget 
if you’re tight. Both are often roasted to
a golden brown and served with fruit like 
grapes or figs. A young pigeon by-the-way
is squab and it’s often roasted or wrapped in 
a crusty pie dough. – Warning: the price 
will be quite high, so be prepared to gasp or faint.

Next is smoked beef tongue (Langue de Boeuf).
Apart from it’s name, it’s delicious and worth
a first try, though squeamish American diners 
will grimace.

Then prized and touted is ris de veau, a favorite
of French gourmands but purposely translated 
in English as  “sweetbreads” – to prevent shock
or vomiting, and far removed from anything 
you’d find in a patisserie, but to a French
gastronome it’s nothing less than sautéed 
calf’s thymus gland or pancreas.

Another French specialty is pig’s blood sausage
(boudin noir), black as soot, and daringly served
uncamoflaged by any deceptive artistry, 
what any normal diner would identify as 
freshly discharged pig’s turd. (And by that 
description alone you should be rushing to 
the nearest restroom with your hand over 
your mouth holding back a mouthful of 
vomit and praying no stalls are occupied!)

And now for our final entree, la piece de 
resistance – at least to hardcore gastronomes:
a whole calf’s head (tête de veau) garnished 
with various baby veggies (petites legumes) 
but nonetheless ghoulishly nightmarish and
more likely read in a Stephen King novel.

Bon appétit!

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