Here lies... Walt Whitman. Aaargh! Damn you Walt Whitman! I... hate... you... Walt... freakin... Whitman, leaves of grass my ass!
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I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.' by
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If he's so smart, how come he's dead? by
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Beer. Now there's a temporary solution
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Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk
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Ooooh. So they have the internet on computers now!
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I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.
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Don't worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year.
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Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use
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Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a qtip.
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When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy
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If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
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In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
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Lisa: Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy? Homer: Don't worry, sweetheart. If I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed.
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Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel
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Boy, everyone is stupid except me.
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Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening
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And what if we picked the wrong religion? Every week, we're just making God madder and madder!
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I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon! What was his name? Apollo Creed? by
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To alchohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems
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From now on Honey, we'll be spelling everything with letters.
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Well kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.
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Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively
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Trying is the first step towards failure.
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I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman! by
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I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky & The Pope combined! by
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It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
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All life's answers are on TV.
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If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat? by
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