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Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
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The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
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Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
History
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
Nature
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
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Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
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Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It's one of the curses of London.
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A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
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Wedding: a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable
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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
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History: An account mostly false, of events, unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate
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Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Sports
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Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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