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macmcgovern - all messages by user

5/14/2010 3:27:01 PM
When Wars End When wars end,
celebration defines,
disfigurement is its blind eye.

I have no feet, I need no shoes.
I have no hands, I need no gloves.
No legs, no need to walk.
No arms, I long for hugs.
What is left, sits in a chair all day.
At night, I turn in great pain.
Some say I am lucky to be alive.
I disagree,
It is throught the grace of God
I survived.

I am a testament of how
precious is life.
An American Veteran,
not crippled, alive.

When wars end,
celebration defines,
disfigurement is its blind eye.
5/14/2010 3:44:27 PM
Wrestling Rabbits and Dreams Catie,
I guess, when we write a poem we really believe is a great poem, we immediately question if if really is great. Why we doubt our creativity is the great unkown. I read your poem 3 time. Each time I read, I gained more appreciation for your talent. I find nothing in your poem that does not inspire the reader to want more. You have produced a poem that is powerful in its creativity; with imagery that thrusts the reader into the moment, and only releases at its conclusion. I love your poem and would change nothing. I find when I write a poem which I beleive is good, and it gets little attention, I change the format to either make it easier to read or grab attention. It usually works. Thanks for shring your wonderful poem and for providing me an engaging experience through the eyes of a talented poet.
5/20/2010 7:11:24 PM
When Wars End Thanks Catie I appreciate your valuable suggestions.

Mac



Catie wrote:
This is an awesome poem. I can only make subtle suggestions, Mac. What about this:

When wars end,
celebration defines,
disfigurement is its blind eye.

I have no feet, I need no shoes.
I have no hands, I need no gloves.
No legs, no need to walk.
No arms, I long for hugs.
What is left sits in a chair all day.
At night I turn in great pain.
Some say I am lucky to be alive.
I disagree.
It is through the grace of God
I survived.

I am a testament of how
precious is life.
An American Veteran,
not crippled;
Alive!

When wars end,
celebration defines,
disfigurement is its blind eye.

All I did was remove a couple of commas, correct one misspelled word, Capitalize 'Alive' and added an exclamation point for emphasis. Either way, it is a very nice, tender, and true to life, poem. Catie
5/20/2010 7:32:31 PM
When Wars End Michael,
I appreciate your opinion. However, before you make statements about who serves, please state your references. I would love to see them. I served 20 years and wonder why you believe we had no choice, we are from very poor families, are so inept we believe everything we are told, and cannot make intelligent decisions. I guess in your eyes, we are the dregs of society and have no opportunities in life. Maybe a little research rather than personal opinion would provide more accurate analysis.

Mac


Apocapus wrote:
Why did you call me a doofus and then write everything I basically said...do you agree with doofuses often?

Vietnam is being replayed...Every time a soldier enlists...it's being replayed. Yes the draft is gone but you fail to realize the ultimate blackmail.

With so many jobs going overseas and the rising prices of college and all the attacks on civil liberties.

Most kids have no choice but to go to the Military, it's the only way they can get paid. Yes politicians and Corporate interests keep the wars going, Wars that don't really have to exist...I think we're making it worse. I think we're making more terrorists for every one we kill.
Rural Farmers in Afghanistan who are basically clueless and have no real idea why the U.S is in their country are being invaded by troops and having their relatives killed. I saw this one speak and he was saying that his brother was killed and all young boys in his family..."and the U.S lying if they call him and his family terrorists because all we do is farm." That's a quote.
So...yeah...thousands are still dying in a civil war that's none of our business.

But you shouldn't blame all the kids that join...Most come from really poor families.
Maybe we should look at an economic climate and all the military recruiters that fill these kid's heads with false bravado without explaining the risks. What are military recruiters doing in our schools??
edited by Apocapus on 5/18/2010
edited by Apocapus on 5/18/2010
edited by Apocapus on 5/18/2010
5/21/2010 2:20:45 PM
When Wars End Michael,
I appologize, I may have been a little harsh. Your statements I took as an attack. Probably because I was a poor kid from a family of 10. I was in the draft in 1969, i joined the Navy for opportuniy, I served through 5 conflicts, I was successful because of the training I received, I retired at the age of 45.

I was a Corpsman. I was trained to work independant of other medical staff. I have been the only medical provider for over 350 men at sea on a Guided Missel Destroyer. I was the Director of 2 major technical training schools at the same time, I was the Cardiopulmonary Technologist to President Regan, I worte and implemented the Competency Based Instruction System Program now the standard for all technical training in the service, I was the first Master Training Specialist in the Navy, I received a BS in Human Resource Management, I atteneded numerous management and leadership programs, I learned to be self sufficent while at the same time maintaining team work, I presented papers at 2 Cardiopulmonary National Conferences, I gave lectures and presentations on at least 100 college/university campuses discussing Navy opportunities in Medicine. When I retired, I started or became a partner in three companies in home improment and roofing. All three were highly successful allowing me to retire comfortably at age 58.

None of this would have been possible if not for joining the military. My story is the norm for those who take advantage of the opportunities. Nobody joins the military blindly. We know we may have to fight and possibly lose our life. The belief is, if you join the military, you will have to fight . The reality is, since WWII only 30-40% will ever see battle. The manpower required to support our forces in the field is far in excess of who we send into harms way.

The military is not for everyone. We are a reflection of you. We have the same dreams, but we choose a different route to success than yours. We are well educated and once we decide our time of serving is over, we become leaders of business and industry bring much needed experience into the work force.

Most of the people I served with have been lifelong friends. Many are Doctors, Nurses, Dentists, Medical Technologist, Pilots, Nuclear Power Managers, Ship Drivers, Information Systems Operators, you name the field the Navy trained them to be the best in each. We did not start out this way, it is how we ended up.

Again Michael, I appologize for spouting off. I hope I have been able to give you a more positive aspect of what and why we serve.

Mac



Apocapus wrote:
Sir, I meant no disrespect. I was simply stating my opinion. I'm barely surviving...so I wouldn't say I was insulting my own class. I Was stating a fact.
When was the last time one of those politicians kids put their lives on the line for this country.
It's easy to think the poorer class is being exploited.

If your willing to watch a video...you'll see
5/22/2010 2:17:39 PM
When Wars End Thanks Spade, I appreciate your wonderful suggestions and welcome your input anytime.

Mac


auz wrote:
Strong poem. Wouldn't really change much, maybe just reorder some words...

"I am a testament of how
precious life is."

I really liked the first two lines of this poem, and how you reflected the message back at the end. Always a good technique, but if you feel the need to improve it further (although it already works as it is), you can also choose another technique which is similar but adds more suspense...

by adding a line or two at the end of the stanza:

"When wars end,
celebration defines,
[insert a strong line here]
disfigurement is its blind eye."

This kind of style is done to add more suspense for the ending. You started really powerful and tried to maintain that rate up at the end. But the reader wasn't left with the amount of suspense as what your starting stanza did. If you add one strong line just before your final line (or you can even change the last line but maintain the rhythm) - because the bitterness of tone wasn't there anymore and you were about to end the piece with the narrator's chin facing up -, it could shake the reader and make your poem more powerful.

5/26/2010 10:19:28 AM
i'm new! Welcome to the brst poetry site on the web. I look forward to reading your work.
6/4/2010 7:31:50 PM
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6/4/2010 8:05:24 PM
Just found this section Sara,
Great topic. As one who lives in Pensacola, the damage will be incalculable. The ocean may never recover and already, thousands of birds are dead and who knows how much the impact has already had on the life in the sea.

The problem no one is talking about is the impact on society. Already, tourism is affected. Pensacola thrives on a tourist industry. The oil will destroy that industry and when it does, it will destroy Pensacola. The loss of tax revenue alone will be devistating. In a community that is already depressed in its construction industry, this spill has the potential of causing the collapse of this community.
When people stop coming, Pensacola Beach will become a ghost town, housing prices will plummet, hotels will close, unemployment will be out of control.

Pensacola simply does not have the industry to compensate. We are a constuction, service, and tourism community.

Resturants, hotels, bars, gyms, most beach business, well you get the picture..everything is revelent to the other.

If the impact of the oil spill destroys the beaches, the loss of revenue will cause an increase in all individual taxes such as property, sales, and school will all have to go up. Additional taxes will have to be imposed. Business failure, foreclosures , and bankruptcy escaluate substantially.

The future for Pensacola? Who knows! As a resident I am beyond frightened as to the future. We are one of hundreds of communities to be affected. It will take years to recover. The question remains..will there be anything left when the clean-up is finished and the animals and people can return to enjoy our beaches?
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