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Home » Be Gentle » Can you comment on my latest Poem Cancer Strikes

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/25/2012 2:39:08 PM

Leanne Perks
Posts: 2
open to any comments and constructive critism.
Thankyou



When it sinks in, you feel
surely this is not happening
to me, it cannot be real.

The feelings you try to hide
and conceal until you learn
to cope and deal with them.

The anguish and deep pain
from within yourself is causing
you grief, wishing and
searching for some hope
and a relief.

Tears flow wishing it would
make it all go away
and return to good health
again although fear and
pain are the feelings that
Saddly remain.

It crushes your soul fearing
the worst and causing
you great stress and worry
along with the heartache and
the damage it causes
to your emotional health.


This is surely the worst feeling
in the world that anyone could
feel knowing that your life
could fade away, nobody
knowing the right words they
could say to help take your
pain and sorrow away
and ease your restless
and aching mind.

A True Companion you can
find to express your feelings
to someone who knows you best
and who is caring,loving
and most truly kind with a
sympathetic ear to give
some comfort to wipe away
your anxious fears.

Unload your burdens you bare
with a trusted friend to care and who will
loyally support you
and always be there for when there is distress
and help heal your painful
emotions to give you
comfort, hope and rest
to your troubled heart to mend the pieces
as your feelings it releases.
A True friend is
to be Cherished right to the end.
permalink • reply with quote
4/10/2012 5:28:32 PM

Diana Mohammed
Posts: 3
PoetricalRhymer87 wrote:
open to any comments and constructive critism.
Thankyou



When it sinks in, you feel
surely this is not happening
to me, it cannot be real.

The feelings you try to hide
and conceal until you learn
to cope and deal with them.

The anguish and deep pain
from within yourself is causing
you grief, wishing and
searching for some hope
and a relief.

Tears flow wishing it would
make it all go away
and return to good health
again although fear and
pain are the feelings that
Saddly remain.

It crushes your soul fearing
the worst and causing
you great stress and worry
along with the heartache and
the damage it causes
to your emotional health.


This is surely the worst feeling
in the world that anyone could
feel knowing that your life
could fade away, nobody
knowing the right words they
could say to help take your
pain and sorrow away
and ease your restless
and aching mind.

A True Companion you can
find to express your feelings
to someone who knows you best
and who is caring,loving
and most truly kind with a
sympathetic ear to give
some comfort to wipe away
your anxious fears.

Unload your burdens you bare
with a trusted friend to care and who will
loyally support you
and always be there for when there is distress
and help heal your painful
emotions to give you
comfort, hope and rest
to your troubled heart to mend the pieces
as your feelings it releases.
A True friend is
to be Cherished right to the end.
permalink • reply with quote
4/10/2012 5:34:56 PM

Diana Mohammed
Posts: 3
emotional and well thought..PoetricalRhymer87 wrote:
open to any comments and constructive critism.
Thankyou



When it sinks in, you feel
surely this is not happening
to me, it cannot be real.

The feelings you try to hide
and conceal until you learn
to cope and deal with them.

The anguish and deep pain
from within yourself is causing
you grief, wishing and
searching for some hope
and a relief.

Tears flow wishing it would
make it all go away
and return to good health
again although fear and
pain are the feelings that
Saddly remain.

It crushes your soul fearing
the worst and causing
you great stress and worry
along with the heartache and
the damage it causes
to your emotional health.


This is surely the worst feeling
in the world that anyone could
feel knowing that your life
could fade away, nobody
knowing the right words they
could say to help take your
pain and sorrow away
and ease your restless
and aching mind.

A True Companion you can
find to express your feelings
to someone who knows you best
and who is caring,loving
and most truly kind with a
sympathetic ear to give
some comfort to wipe away
your anxious fears.

Unload your burdens you bare
with a trusted friend to care and who will
loyally support you
and always be there for when there is distress
and help heal your painful
emotions to give you
comfort, hope and rest
to your troubled heart to mend the pieces
as your feelings it releases.
A True friend is
to be Cherished right to the end.
permalink • reply with quote
4/17/2012 3:15:48 PM

Mario Vitale
Posts: 6
Came to believe in a power greater then yourself.
We live today among spoiled rotten brats,
Then in return have raised their own wild brats!
Their isn't any scope nor inclination of ethical persuasion
Instead, our keen efforts have been geared toward the unethical
In effect, with direct certainty this lapse in judgement has provoked some to tears
An ever further sea of debauchary has replaced our ethical standard of norm
Some even bother to curse the very day they were actually born?
Questions to consider ?

--
Mario William Vitale
permalink • reply with quote

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