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Home » Be Gentle » CRUSH:

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/30/2012 5:17:27 AM

Louis Muhereza
Posts: 3
Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;}hello, this is one of my favourite poems, and being new to this forum and poetry group i would like to recieve feedback. any type of feedback is highly acceptable and will be constructively received. thank you.

CRUSH
The day i first met her
She moved along like a timed slide show
With grace and chaste in her stride
Swinging her hips like a desert Carmel
And stepping on the ground like it hurts.

That’s when i first saw her
Meeting her was a dream come true,
Speaking to her was like melting the snow.
Her voice like the ocean singing low
With no turbulent waves to alter the flow.
That’s when i first met her.
Touching her was like food to a pauper
Her skin smooth like a kwashiorkor patient
Her body soft like sheep wool
That’s when i first touched her.
Holding her in my arms,
Being with her all my life
...was never imagined
For it never happened
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1/30/2012 7:48:25 AM

Louis Muhereza
Posts: 3
thanks...means alot.
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