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Home » High Critique » The Immortal Willow (critique)

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/18/2010 5:12:24 PM

Mitchell Falcon
Posts: 2
The old willow down the dirt road in yellow twilight
Was an immortal living as long as the eternal dark night
With branches long like the timeline of history
The willow and its story seem like a tale of fantasy
With a trunk as tall as the golden clouds of Heaven
It howls the air still, while it lay on ground flat as bread unleavened
The leaves of its branches swarm its arms, like bees on sweet ole honey
They sing sweet songs in wind, and turn all who eat all so funny

The bark so old feels tough and rigid, like the rock side of Tennessee cliff
Its feel is thick and coarse, and it shivers the startled mind stiff
The roots spread far over the highest cliffs like our family tree
Uprooting any being or anything with great and heavenly brutality
The sweet nectar of its strength quenches those warriors who were most aged
These were Spartans in a battle, no war which their soul was greatly engaged
This was the strong, immortal willow far beyond the seven hills of light
This tree was the incarnate of a man who perished on a cross, who was and is Gods knight

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11/19/2010 3:35:25 AM

HONESTY OIMBO
Posts: 3
there is an imagery jam in this poem such that it creates a sense of falseness in expression.the vehement description emloyed does not go down well with the rather sickening use of imagery.but keenly read by an intllectual this is the kind of classic poetry that they like.
edited by bwoma on 11/19/2010

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