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Home » High Critique » I'd appreciate legit feedback(love poem)

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/17/2012 10:08:47 AM

William Hughes
Posts: 4
When she's not there my soul feels empty
My mind knows well the spot that she should be

Caramel skin that i can't ignore

She makes a silent sound that makes my mind roar




She transcends the word beauty with her faced shaped like so

Her body moves smoothly and suggest an athletic flow

A smile that charges the heart

Teamed with a laugh that tears my body apart




Her beauty can be compared to that of a star

Her allure suggest she's an angel from afar

If i had a gold lamp, One wish would be enough

To be together eternaly, and to be in loves touch




My goal is to embrace her and to hold her tight

For her to trust me in the darkest of nights

And as time wears on, for two to become one

When together forever, my goal will be done.
edited by William49 on 7/17/2012
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7/22/2012 6:30:21 AM

Sharon Morken
Posts: 133
I love this! Who ever your angel is, she's missing out))
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10/14/2012 5:29:42 PM

Joni Havard
Posts: 7
i agree with svlynn 18 whoever this chick is shes soooooooooo missing out big time!!! your a great poet keep up the extremely amazing work!!Angel Wings
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