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Roy Jerden's Blog

About Roy Jerden
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I starting writing poetry again in 2012 after a 50 year hiatus.

Born and raised in West Texas, I lived all over the area as a child until my mother remarried, as my father was in the oil drilling business, which required constant moving. I grew up in San Angelo, home of Fort Concho and the Buffalo Soldiers, but spent quite a few summers working on my grandpa's farm in the Texas Hill Country.

I met my wife Toni while I was stationed at Aviano AFB, Italy. I learned to speak Italian fluently and we still speak it at home interchangeably with English. My three sons, all born in Italy after I got out of the USAF, also speak Italian.

We moved back to the USA in 1972 and settled in Missouri, where I went back to school.

We moved to Atlanta in 1988, when Toni relocated here with AT&T. I got a job with McKesson (then HBOC) working with medical information systems, which started my career in this field. I had a natural talent for application design and parlayed this talent into a great R&D management position with an internet startup.

We are now retired. We spend time traveling the world and visiting our grandchildren in CA and NC. We also spend some time in Italy almost every year visiting and traveling with friends in Europe as we have a small apartment there in Sacile near Aviano, not far from Venice.

My other passions are mushroom hunting (the edible kind), gourmet cooking and bread baking.


Bawdy Limericks II Judged


Blog Posted:7/6/2014 2:48:00 PM

The results are posted. I just wanted to make a few comments on the judging.

Poems with a bad syllable count were eliminated. I used the Syllable Counter to check and then double-checked manually if it showed the count off. It did make a couple of errors.

Poems with imperfect rhyme were eliminated. There were several.

Non-limericks or chained limericks were eliminated. There were two.


All remaining poems started in first place and were then demoted one or more places by the following criteria:

One minor spelling or grammatical error no penalty, otherwise one place per instance.
Explicit wording: One place per instance
No date on poem. One place.
Centering, bolding or italics used: One place (next time I will include double spacing as well).
Humor: Only mildly funny- One place. Not funny - Two places.
Meter: Imperfect meter - One place. Really choppy - Two places.

There was one chained limerick that was good and naughty, but that I had to eliminate due to the rules. I'll honor it here below.

Bawdy Limericks

I could do the body all day
Perform in a sexual way
The bump and the grind
Massaging the mind
And making it seem like a play

I took one look at her wonder
Deciding just how I would plunder
That beautiful ground
That grew on her mound
And that's when I slid from up under

I'd start with my fingers and tongue
The way I did when I was young
A hey diddle here
A play fiddle there
And over the moon we were flung

It was hard when I finished the job
I went from the shaft to the knob
But the fluid was slick
And I got such a kick
That I helped her wipe up the glob

Rockman

For the "Bawdy Limericks II" contest by Roy Jerden.

 

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  1. Date: 7/8/2014 1:52:00 AM
    Thanks particularly for finding mine worthy of the 1st place, Congrats to all the winners!

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  1. Date: 7/7/2014 2:50:00 PM
    Thank you so much for honouring my Limerick Roy, very much appreciated. Many congratulations to all the winners, James........

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  1. Date: 7/7/2014 10:54:00 AM
    Roy, though I did not find mention in your winners list, I had fun writing my entry. I also had fun reading all the winning entries and my hearty congrats to all. Mohan

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  1. Date: 7/6/2014 7:51:00 PM
    CAn't wait to read your winners. I got the flu, so I am just here to see the blogs this afternoon. Glad I am on your list! Congrats to all.

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  1. Date: 7/6/2014 4:20:00 PM
    Am delighted with the first place Roy and also Third place with Darren Watson as jadazzle United. You bring such fun to the site with these Limerick contests Roy, Thank you. Hugs Jan xxx

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My Past Blog Posts

 
Non-Christian Poetry Contest Update
Date Posted: 10/19/2014 9:05:00 AM
New Contest - Religious Poetry: Non-Christian
Date Posted: 10/5/2014 6:40:00 AM
"AT SEVENTEEN"
Date Posted: 9/30/2014 10:57:00 AM
The Pedicure Virgin
Date Posted: 9/11/2014 8:19:00 PM
How to make an image out of a long poem
Date Posted: 9/3/2014 12:58:00 PM
How to do a scansion of your poem to verify the meter
Date Posted: 8/19/2014 6:03:00 PM
Too Subtle?
Date Posted: 8/15/2014 1:39:00 PM
New Feature -Poet's Notes About the Poem
Date Posted: 8/2/2014 12:31:00 PM
Free Verse: Start here or finish here
Date Posted: 7/21/2014 7:04:00 PM
Bogus Entries in Contests
Date Posted: 7/19/2014 6:46:00 AM
Punctuation and Capitalization in Poetry
Date Posted: 7/18/2014 6:35:00 PM
About Poem/Poem Notes/Inspiration, etc.
Date Posted: 7/18/2014 8:17:00 AM
Bawdy Limericks II Judged
Date Posted: 7/6/2014 2:48:00 PM
To Footnote or Not to Footnote?
Date Posted: 7/3/2014 8:47:00 PM
User trying to set a password
Date Posted: 6/24/2014 10:01:00 PM
Centering, Bolding, and Italicizing in a Poem
Date Posted: 6/9/2014 9:51:00 PM
Bawdy Limerick Contest Complete
Date Posted: 6/7/2014 4:38:00 PM
Limerick Contest Update - Last chance
Date Posted: 5/27/2014 5:31:00 PM
Bonnie Parker's Poetry
Date Posted: 5/24/2014 2:48:00 PM
Limerick Contest Update
Date Posted: 5/22/2014 2:48:00 PM
Kudos on the Miltonic Sonnet Contest
Date Posted: 5/13/2014 4:06:00 PM
Limerick Contest
Date Posted: 5/4/2014 7:56:00 PM
Roy's Ramblings - The Final Invention
Date Posted: 5/4/2014 9:42:00 AM
Contest Enhancements I'd Like to See
Date Posted: 4/24/2014 10:12:00 AM
Age Test
Date Posted: 3/23/2014 8:44:00 PM

My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoem TitleFormCategories
10/15/2014Halloween on the Dark Side of TownRhymeholiday,satire,
10/1/2014Cowboys in the BadlandsProsebaseball,cowboy,native am
9/22/2014Andrea DietrichClerihewtribute,
9/15/2014The Empty QuarterAlliterationearth,nature,stars,
8/31/2014Bad GoldilocksAbecedarianhumorous,
8/25/2014Pussy RiotChastushkahumor,
8/23/2014Matryoshkan MultiverseHaibunhumor,
8/18/2014A Roll of Duct Tape - FootleFootlehumor,
8/10/2014The New OneBlank versedark,
8/5/2014Little SuperheroesQuatrainchild,children,
7/22/2014A Brush of WingsVersebird,
7/16/2014Great A'Tuin - the Giant Star TurtleHaibundeath,journey,stars,
7/13/2014Blood on the SaddleLimerickfunny,vacation,
7/8/2014Willow: A FableRhymechildren,death,dream,fant
6/30/2014Ragnarok: The StormEpyllionweather,
6/28/2014Dante's PathQuatrainspiritual,
6/11/2014Bill's DrillLimerickhumorous,
5/26/2014Albert EinsteinClerihewhumorous,science,
5/22/2014John Cougar MellencampClerihewbio,humorous,
5/19/2014Same Old SoupQuatrainpoetry,satire,
5/14/2014Into the SunlightHaikunature,
5/12/2014RainierHaikunature,
5/9/2014JanuariesHaikunature,
5/7/2014Jonah Falcon He's NotLimerickfunny,
5/6/2014The Well Traveled LinguistLimerickhumorous,
5/5/2014Raise the MastLimerickhumorous,
5/4/2014Are you glad to see me or is that just a wrinkleLimerickage,funny,
5/2/2014The Devil Can Cite Scripture For His PurposeRhymehate,religion,slam,
5/1/2014On Conspiracy TheoriesSonnetphilosophy,
4/28/2014Florida GoldLimerickfunny,
4/28/2014Tongue OilLimerickfunny,
4/28/2014Red MoonLimerickfunny,
4/28/2014Fochs GnusRhymeslam,
4/24/2014Concerning Human UnderstandingBlank versephilosophy,
4/1/2014The Thunderous Wonderous Electric Toy TrainRhymechristmas,nostalgia,
3/18/2014Ignominious ExitRhymehumorous,
3/11/2014Premature ExonerationLimerickholiday,humor,
2/28/2014Going GiggingRhymefishing,
2/10/2014A Series of Unfortunate Darwin AwardsLimerickdeath,humorous,silly,
2/7/2014What Can I DoSonnetabsence,death,fear,
1/29/2014The Earth AbidesQuatrainnatural disasters,nature,
1/23/2014Ancient DanceSonnetlove,
1/21/2014Happy HourIambic Pentameterdrink,relationship,satire
1/7/2014San Saba SpringtimeSonnetnature,spring,
12/28/2013The WhittlersCowboygrowing up,nostalgia,
12/19/2013Redneck SantaRhymechristmas,
12/17/2013The Tale of the China PoblanaEpichistory,
6/13/2013Ode on a Japanese CommodeRhymehumorous,
5/24/2013The Fruits of their LaborsFree versepolitical,
5/23/2013Damaged GoodsQuatrainabuse,
5/21/2013White Trash NostalgiaQuatraingrowing up,
5/15/2013The Conceit of PoetryCoupletphilosophy,
4/26/2013Empyreal EpiphanyQuatrainnature,night,stars,
4/24/2013Bordeaux RougeLimerickhumorous,
4/18/2013head typistQuatrainhumorous,writing,
4/14/2013The Roughneck SongRhymeday,drink,red,song,work,
3/23/2013Tiger's WoodLimericksports,
3/20/2013A Couple for the AgesSonnethumorous,
3/17/2013Bambino, BambinaLimerickbaby,
3/11/2013The Treachery of ImagesEkphrasis (Ecphrasis)art,image,me,
3/8/2013Pearl of La PazSonnetdeath,grief,
2/17/2013All Hat and No CattleCowboycowboy,humorous,old,time,
2/10/2013Dark TemptressRhymefood,humorous,passion,
2/10/2013Three PillsSonnetlife,me,philosophy,truth,
1/30/2013Icebox DaysRhymechildhood,growing up,humo
1/26/2013The Angel InsideRhymeallegory,angel,art,beauti
1/22/2013Call Me TexCowboycowboy-western,humorous,s
1/10/2013Bobcat MoonRhymeautumn,friendship,loss,mo
12/9/2012Six Man DanceRhymeautumn,football,nostalgia
11/18/2012La BejarenaRhymeangel,beauty,death,histor
8/27/2012Kiss of the EagleRhymeadventure,space,travel,
8/23/2012Delicacy of LeavesRhymehappiness,nature,time,
8/10/2012Keep It Turnin' to the RightRhymeday,earth,funny,life,love
8/10/2012Cruising the DragRhymecar,funny,growing up,high

My Photos


Fav Poems

Poem TitleFormCategories
AmazementFree verseplaces,voice,life,voice,
Pearl DivingQuatrainlove,
Slow Movin TightsBalladme,red,women,
That Night We KissedRondeauromanceheart,night,heart,
A Voice In The WindRhymeimagination,nature,
StaySonnetlife,self,self,
Within a StormSonnetinspirational,
Sailing the Seas In A Pecan TreeRhymeadventure,old,
Soul of the PoetQuatrainfarewell,poems,poetess,
GenerationsEpicbirth,death,hope,life,
MuseFree versewords,writing,
Falling upwardRhymeanger,angst,bereavement,b
WordsRhymelove,words,song,song,
No Longer Mourn for Me When I Am DeadLyricdeath,faith,religious,

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