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Catie Lindsey's Blog

About Catie Lindsey
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Bloggers PhotoBorn 12/15/1956 in the mountains of Central Oregon. :)

I may be a mountain girl, but I am no Hill-billy!

The Old Poet


Blog Posted:11/12/2012 3:58:00 AM
   As a young man, he studied to become a Baptist minister. Every Sunday, after church, he would gather us all into the living room, his three daughters (at that time) sitting indian style on the living room floor with his wife nearby, while he read aloud his poetry. I was little then, but as I grew up, he drank a lot, and called his wife and daughters awful names. He ran out on us all the time, but it seems he always came back. Perhaps I have done worse.
   He's 82 now. Last week while he was sitting in his chair, his body started convulsing. At the hospital they discovered he has a large mass in his stomach and he is bleeding internally. They had to give him five pints of blood. His memory is suffering these days too. They've told him several times about his condition, but a few minutes later, he has forgotten all of it. He is down to 112 pounds. He refuses to have surgery because he can't remember what the doctors have found. He refuses to have the colonoscopy done, which would tell them more about the bleeding. He is going to die, and he don't know it because he can't remember what he's been told.  No one seems to know how long he will survive if the bleeding continues untreated. Obviously, since he was five pints low on blood, we are not talking about a slow leak. We don't know for certain if the mass is cancer, although we all believe it is. The biopsy results wont be in until Tuesday or Wednesday. They sent him home from the hospital, and comfort measures are being taken. His affairs are in order.
   I cannot put my emotions into a poem. The closer something is to my heart, the less I am able to write about it. I guess I am just too overwhelmed by experiencing it.
   My little sister, who is with him now, tells me that he probably wouldn't survive the surgery anyway, at his age. But something inside tells me that Life is our greatest gift from God, and we should hold onto it, and fight for it until our final breath. I guess that's just my personal opinion. I await the call that tells me that my father has passed.
   And all of this, while John and his mother are still in dire straights. Their power won't be back on until after Thanksgiving. They are adjusting. I know that he does want to post a blog to Thank everyone who has already given so much, and he WILL do that as soon as he is able. They are working hard to clean up the mess, and John is still caring for his mother during all of this. They are both well, at this time. He calls me every few days for an update. But they are still in need.
   My plate is full, and yet I am helpless.
Love and hugs to all, Catie
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  1. Date: 11/18/2012 1:34:00 PM
    DEAR Catie, I have a Prayer Group that meets at my new apartment every Tuesday AM The Prayers this week will be for YOUR Dad, YOU, John and HIS MOM LOVE ALWAYS and FOREVER YOUR Eternal Liege...Harry

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  1. Date: 11/13/2012 10:00:00 PM
    My prayers are with you Catie!

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/14/2012 9:32:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Marlon! hugs, Catie :)
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 8:10:00 PM
    your poetry to him the way he read it to you that it would be very comforting and re-connect you all....xoxoxo from a lil stranger named Piph!

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/13/2012 5:50:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you, Piph! A wonderful Idea. Hugs, catie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 8:09:00 PM
    Losing a loved one, a piece of you dies as well, and you wander feeling out of your body, unable to grasp the gist of it for a long time..you will never be the same person as you know your-self to be...but cherish every last second and say all the things you never did! and you will be able to write about it soon enough, it will be healing. I've lost many loved ones, mostly to tragedy. What doesnt kill us makes us stronger and i have faith your family wont have to struggle much longer!! everyhing is in Divine order...i wish you and your family all the blessings, positivity and prayers!! from one poet to another! May these words up lift you, the way your poetry does others! im sure if u read

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  1. Date: 11/12/2012 8:08:00 PM
    Losing a loved one, a piece of you dies as well, and you wander feeling out of your body, unable to grasp the gist of it for a long time..you will never be the same person as you know your-self to be...but cherish every last second and say all the things you never did! and you will be able to write about it soon enough, it will be healing. I've lost many loved ones, mostly to tragedy. What doesnt kill us makes us stronger and i have faith your family wont have to struggle much longer!! everyhing is in Divine order...i wish you and your family all the blessings, positivity and prayers!! from one poet to another! May these words up lift you, the way your poetry does others! im sure if u read

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  1. Date: 11/12/2012 7:06:00 PM
    I am so sorry Catie. Everyone has so many troubles on these pages. I had a new door put in today. A little burglary such as I had is nothing. Love and prayers. Joyce

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/13/2012 5:48:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Oh, Joyce, a burglary is scary. It leaves behind a fear that the burglar may return. Will keep you in my prayers. hugs, Catie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 3:04:00 PM
    Aww Catie-Did..but you are not helpless YOu are so helpful, and kind, and caring, and everyone who knows you knows this, and they feel it, sometimes that is all they wish to take Catie. Call me when you need to, your Debbie-Do

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 3:43:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you so much, my bestest Debbie-Do. love and hugs, catie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 2:55:00 PM
    With his memory gone with his health... his quality of life is gone... But we love them too much to let them go... We still worry about them, love them, and are desperate to protect them... even from themselves... Your heart pains you greatly I am sure... I will pray for you both... To ease both your sufferings. I am with my father now. It only took my care and cooking to bring him back this time. I dread the day when that won't be enough. My heart goes out to you both in your times of need. It's never easy... Your friend... Carol

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 3:42:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Carol. hugs, catie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 2:05:00 PM
    Catie , these words from you: "The closer something is to my heart, the less I am able to write about it." that's exactly how it is for ME. that's why I don't write emotional poetry. I honestly can't write about things such as you describe here about your dad. I'm sorry for what is happening to your dad. I would think that if he cannot remember things, they could go ahead and do tests with just the permission of someone close to him!! Is it John Heck you are speaking of here at the end? I sent a little something but I am sure he needs a lot of support more than what some of us here can give him. Still praying for all the victims of that terrible storm. Luv, andrea

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 3:40:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Andrea. Oh, yes, it is John heck i am speaking of. he and his mom are adjusting to being without power. The human spirit is amazing. He knows that finances are tight for everyone, and he is so grateful for all that he has received from the wonderful poets here at PoetrySoup. hugs, catie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 11:18:00 AM
    My father had duodenum cancer and forgot almost everything at the end. His wife would not let any of us visit him. Enjoy what you do have, and get lots of rest.

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 11:24:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you so much, Joann. hugs, catie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 10:49:00 AM
    Sending you a big hug and best wishes to you dear Catie:) Hugs~Arild

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 10:56:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you so much, Arild. Ya know, of all his children, I am most like my father. I am feeling out of sorts, this is hitting me harder than I ever thought it would. love and hugs to you and Anne Lise. :) Cattie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 10:18:00 AM
    Hugs to you catie :)

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 10:32:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Susan. hugs, catie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 9:16:00 AM
    Catie, I have no idea what I'm about to write. Have you ever done that? Put your hands on the keyboard & just hoped the right words would come? They aren't coming. I am so sorry for what you are going through & I understand the incredible WIDTH of love, that despite what we have experienced, the hurts we have received, that love is stronger than bitterness, pain or pride. I hope that those EARLY memories substain you during this hard, hard time. Thanks, also, for keeping us posted on John. My package (according to the tracking #) is still on route.it is so slow... so little did I send. But I do hope it gets to him soon. It's getting cold... Now, as far as you go, take care of you, love.<3

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 9:36:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    yeah, Cyndi, I think I am having sympathy pains for him, he's receiving morphine now, and just the thought of it nauseates my stomach, really bad. I've already had a flu shot, so it can't be that. sorry for rambling on. hugs, catie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 8:53:00 AM
    oh Catie, I am so sorry, I wish I was closer to give you a big hug, you are in my thoughts and prayers

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 9:18:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you, Francine, i appreciate the prayers so much. hugs, catie :)
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 7:01:00 AM
    Im sorry to hear about your father, Catie. It's so sad. My best wishes and a big hug. Ruben.

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 9:18:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you so much, Ruben. Big hugs, catie :)
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 6:31:00 AM
    Our prayers are with you, Catie. Love and hugs, Ben & Su

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 6:44:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you so much, Su. hugs, catie
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 6:15:00 AM
    My thoughts, love and prayers go out to you Catie xx

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 6:43:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you, Mandy. hugs, catie :)
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 6:00:00 AM
    CATIE, My heart goes out to you. I know what you are experiencing...been there. Another perspective....sometimes it's just time to let go... At that age...I would value 'Quality of life' over fighting on. (Just speaking for myself here) Unfortunately...a lot of us...like your father...won't be able to make those kind of decisions for ourselves, because our minds won't be up to that challenge. I think the world of you...and my heart is breaking for you...All we can do at times like this... is just pray. And remember what you said here...about God's Gift of life...take the time to remember that for yourself Catie. Stay strong ...for him, your family... and for yourself Catie.

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 6:43:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you, Frank. Yes, my mother chose not to battle her cancer, and she died in 2000. Now, my dad is going. But as for me... as long as I have the ability to hold onto life and fight hard to maintain it, I shall. hugs, Catie :)
  1. Date: 11/12/2012 5:06:00 AM
    Big hugs and so much love Catie.. My heart goes out to you and your family this is such a sad time for you all xxx Tracie

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    Edwards Avatar Tracie Edwards Date: 11/12/2012 5:25:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I can imagine hun..you stay strong xxx
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 11/12/2012 5:12:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    yeah, the minutes feel like days, the days feel like weeks, Time drags on. Thanks, Tracie. hugs. Catie

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123
Date PostedPoem TitleFormCategories
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9/1/2014Owning ItFree verseconfusion,crazy,
8/23/2014The Body Between UsFree verselost love,
8/18/2014I've ChangedRhymeintrospection,relationshi
8/11/2014Changing FocusList blessing,faith,life,
8/9/2014AlwaysFree versefriendship,
8/9/2014Towering Sun FlowersFree verseabsence,death of a friend
7/5/2014The Three AmigosFree versedeath,life,love,
6/25/2014Lifetimes AgoCoupletdaughter,life,sister,
6/10/2014MetamorphosisRhymeimagination,
6/9/2014Easy To SeeFree verseintrospection,lost love,
6/7/2014MachineFree verselove,
6/7/2014ReciprocityCoupletlife,
4/25/2014Summer's EndMonorhymenature,
4/25/2014Blowing KissesI do not know?love,
4/25/2014Life's CresendoSestinanostalgia,
4/18/2014In the Back YardPantoumchildhood,sister,
4/18/2014ShineDiminished Hexaversefaith,self,
4/18/2014Ray's SonnetSonnetdeath,friend,
4/17/2014A Matter of SynonymsKyrielleconflict,life,
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Lovers of the StormFree verselost love,dream,dream,lov
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