The North Pole Diet Dilemma
It was the night before Christmas, Mrs. Claus slept in her bed.
Thinking about breakfast, when Santa and his elves would be fed.
Too much Santa had been eating; and when he went, "Ho-Ho-Ho,"
He risked getting caught in chimneys, needing a lube from Crisco.
So, Mrs. Clause decided Slim Fast should be on his menu...
To preserve Santa's agility in the chimney venue.
Slim Fast he drank though he shouted out, "Eeooohh."
He said, "Mrs. Claus it tastes just like glue."
"Oh stop your complaining," she replied. "You're getting too plump,
I've never seen Santa with such a big rump!"
Mrs. Clause did not know about the stash of sweet treats
Santa had hidden in a bag right beside the sleigh seat!
A charitable Claus with no flaws good for the Christmas cause,
Shares treats with red-nosed Rudolph, fat hind feet and paws!
And so they all readied to finally take flight.
But Santa was struggling. His suit was too tight.
He borrowed a girdle from his wife's dresser drawer
And vowed cakes and candy, he'd eat never more.
A quick trip to North Pole Mall to buy some new girdles...
Poor tiny reindeer could barely scale snowy hurdles ...
Rolls of Santa's "jolly" belly lapped over that girdle...
So competing on the biggest loser might be his next hurdle.
He went jogging instead of walking during toy quality controls,
Then he caught heavenly whiffs of baking cinnamon rolls!
All dreams of diet went out of his head, he said,
"If I must give up sweets, I would rather be dead"
"Nonsense," said Mrs. Clause as she made a call to Jillian...
Biggest Loser coach, "Please make Santa a studly stallion!"
But try as he might, to change this jolly old elf,
A jelly-belly Santa was the way he and others viewed himself.
Fatty bon-bon Santa shouted, “Hi ho, hi ho!”
He thought of keeping candy meant for Edgar Allen Poe!
On the dash of the sleigh was a cocoa machine,
Steaming hot chocolate in a mug red and green.
He had chocolate fudge and cookies with icing
He feared Mrs. Claus, but it was so enticing!
So many children and sweet treats he must eat.
He knew that this diet must wait ‘til next week.
So, he hopped in his sleigh, waved bye to each elf.
And flew through the night stuffing himself.
CONTRIBUTING POETS, alphabetically:
Linda-Marie Bariana, Celene Crescent, Carolyn Devonshire, Andrea Dietrich, John Freeman, Barbara Gorelick, Cecil Hickman, Joyce Johnson, Constance La France, Catie Lindsey, Diane Locksley, Nikko Palmario, Linda Rutherford, Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen, and Deb Wilson