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Deborah Guzzi travels for inspiration: China, Nepal [during the civil war], Japan, Egypt [two weeks before ‘The Arab Spring’], and most recently Peru. First published at the age of sixteen, she writes articles for Massage and Aroma Therapy Magazines. Her poetry has been accepted in the Literary Journals of Western CT. University, Inclement Magazine, Pyrokinections, Jellyfish Whispers, Grey Wolf’s Summer Legends Anthology, The Germ, Wilderness Literary Review, The Anthology Sweet Dreams & Night Terrors, Bitterzoet Magazine, haiku journal, Contemporary Haibun Online, Bella on line, The Autumn Sound, Eskimo Pie, and Ribbons, The Inwood Indiana Review, Five Poetry, Tanka Society of America Journal, and 50 haiku. She has published two illustrated volumes of poetry, The Healing Heart and Heaven and Hell in a Nutshell.


Onward to the Fourth Jewel in the Crown


Blog Posted:1/28/2014 3:23:00 PM
Crown of Sonnets, 7 will be picked to win in the contest, seven that fit  the best together. 

It is a 7-sonnet sequence in which

the last line of  each sonnet is repeated in the first line of the next.

The first line is repeated as the last line of  the 7th. sonnet;
 
These will be MODERN  SONNETS, 14 lines, 10 syllables per line

 abab cdcd efef gg/ I want flow  but strict meter is not necessary.



 *means they said they'd try for us [we'll try 3 at a time & pick which one  works best then move one] blend your writing style with Caleb's. REMEMBER big boy & girl pants
  1. Eileen Ghali * Sarah Kendrick*Dane Ann Smith Johnson* 7
  2. Carrie Richards *6 Joyce Johnson * 6 Andrea Dietrich* 6
  3. Caleb Smith * #1
  4. Craig Cornish *4 The Scribe *4 Mark Peterson *4
  5. Charles Henderson #2 David Williams * #2
  6. Catie Lindsey * #3 Nette Onclaud *#3 Jim Goff #3
  7. Isaiah Zerbst*5, Roy Jerden* 5,  *Kelly Deschler 5 *   

7 people will  win and all of those 7 will get a first place.  

Stone in the Cold

By Caleb Smith


#1
 

 Through darkness I come with a  stealthy hand,
who but a man shadowed could be so bold?
My eyes hunt  take a reckoning of the land,
look into the hollows, constant and  cold.

My companion solitude, still as stone,
I  am the seeker of winds, and of scent.
By the trees yonder, I wait not   alone;
my aim is true, and my purpose unbent.

Yet, death does not bring a smile to my lips,
  nor a lift unto this wayfaring heart;
in grief I am fed, from  silence  I sip,
and from the old wood, I shall never part.

The hunt will remain for those who pursue,
  a  life that no death could ever undo.

#2 selection C. H. 

A life that no death could ever undo,
for  there are portals I've yet to find.
Hidden life in the green I wish to  pursue,
oh, the secrets of life and death entwine.  

I search and search, I will know no  defeat.
Each corner turned will find new paths to tread.
The deer or the  bear, the fox that I meet
will reveal the secrets of life not death.

So, let the wood talk, hear what it  reveals.
Riddle its meanings there to be understood.
The less armor worn,  we brandish or wield,
higher truth follows our message of good.

Come into the woods as in days of youth,
we  still face the test of absolute truth.

 #3 of 3 J. G.

We still face the test of absolute truth,
the  nights coming fast, I travel unheard.
The reverence I feel, was born in  youth,
tempered by sage, burnt offerings for birds.

Tormented by brambles whose thorns I collect
I  come to remains of struggles long gone,
feathers and crushed bone, on these I  reflect.
I'm hoping once more, my arms are still strong.

A pine marten scurries, close to my step,
the  sweet scent of birch gum, his claws unearth.
My arrow's still sheathed, for  creeks I have leapt.
I have grown cold, but my spirit rebirthed.

Tracks at the creek, the water I savor
 the  brush slight moves, my aim does not waver.

#4 C. C.

The brush moves, my aim does not waiver.
Foraging there, on the rim of the pond
A sounder of wild boar brings a shiver
And the grunts and the squeals that I have spawned.
 
From the thicket a sow charges and bites;
Bleeding, I climb to the limb of a tree,
As razorback frenzy welcomes the night -
Now, I am prey and pray to be free;
 
That the morning light will find the beasts gone,
Or that others not find the scent of my blood,
Or that tied to this tree, will I last long -
Will infection and pain rush in a flood.

Or, like a wounded deer in the thicket
Will I die and be eaten within it...
 
my suggestions & eincorporating both Dee's and Joyce's advice

The brush moves, my aim does not waver,
a sounder of boar feeds right near the pond,
so many there, it brings on a shiver;
the gruntings and squealings that I have spawned.

From the thicket a sow charges, then bites;
bleeding, I climb to the limb of a tree,    
as razorback frenzy slashes the night.
I am the prey, and I pray I'll be freed.

God, let morning light find ev'ry beast gone
pray no more come to the scent of my blood,
the gash is so deep, will I last that long?
Tied to the tree the pain flows like a flood.

My mind goes to the deer bones in the thorns.
The night is very dark, pray for the dawn.

Isaiah #4

The brush moves, my aim [must never]* waver;
With strengthened arms I bend my bow of yew:
My eyes pierce the brush, intent to savor
the sights of a good hunt, an arrow true.

The bracken parts, rattling, empty sighs;
My draw fingers quake from the constant chill.
My quarries' breath floats to the clouded sky,
My own breath muffled as I track my kill.

Overhead, an arrow in deadly arc
speeds toward the bear I'm seeking, still as stone;
A shadow moves, the arrow strikes its mark.
The hand that loosed the shaft was not my own.

I am a man shadowed; death comes knocking:
The hunter hunted; the past comes stalking.


#4 Mark

The brush moves, my aim does not waver,
then cacophonous noise and flutter of wing—
suspense of time, wild moment to savor,
destiny’s urge theirs, ever pining for spring.

The beat of the moment has suddenly faded,
my nostrils aware of the keenness of snow.
Unprepared and alone, my hubris vacated,
ill to compare with the wolf and the crow.

I shiver alone in the deepening cold,
cringing and stiff, as the blizzard advances
Though I’d thought of myself as manly and bold,
I confess sadly now that grim are my chances.

How long must I struggle, awash in chagrin,
Stricken in heart over what might have been. 

suggest to simplify language & clarify for Mark

Now the brush moves, my aim does not waver.
A rush of bird sounds the flutter of wings
times seems to stop, a moment to savor
unaimed I lose, they flee pining for spring.

The beat of the moment has suddenly faded,
my nostrils flare with the keenness of snow.
What foolish pride to come, alone, unaided 
unprepared for cold like the wolf and crow.

I shiver alone in the deepening cold,
cringing and stiff, as the blizzard advances;
though I’d thought of myself as manly and bold,
I confess sadly, that grim are my chances.

 How long must I struggle, awash in chagrin,
 Stricken in heart over what might have been.    

BOY we have some wonderful PLOT choices here!!!

 BUT  the action/suspense must BE here- Sonnet 4 beginsBE  VERY SENSORY STAY IN FIRST PERSON PRESENT TENSE

PLEASE  READ CALEB'S BLOG FOR INSPIRATION

Please pick which we will use for #4

*the 1st line is The brush moves my aim does not waver



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  1. Date: 1/31/2014 9:27:00 PM
    Please read my comment below this one first !! To clarify, I have nothing against those who hunt, even for sport. I'm not preaching the right or wrong of it and I leave all justification up to each individual. I have never examined my motive for not liking to kill something, I just know I don't like the feeling afterwards. I can't (wont) apologize for that. I wish someone would expand further the thought of "absolute truth" which I have placed on the hunter. Pro or con---your choice.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 2/1/2014 7:55:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Caleb is the hunter. The hunter hunts fairly & for his own food, he revers the animal & the woods. Chas you need to explore this in your own work outside of the Crown.
  1. Date: 1/31/2014 9:16:00 PM
    In my verse I spoke of the absolute truth but due to concentration on other facets of the poem I did not see that the thought was followed through properly. We are only on # 4 so there is still plenty of room to expand Absolute truth, which is the feeling one gets from killing something, even justifiably. Whatever it is. I recently really felt terrible over having to kill a possum that was stealing my cat's food. I knew it was probably carrying food to its babies but I felt I had to look after my interests and feeding a family of possum should not just be dumped on me. That was the apparent truth. The reality was how badly I felt having to kill it, just for doing what it needed to do.

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  1. Date: 1/31/2014 2:08:00 PM
    debbie, i feel we have enough 'picks' already.. will check the next one.. good to see that jimbo's 1st line has now a 10 syl count..huggs

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  1. Date: 1/31/2014 2:00:00 PM
    My vote goes to Isaiah's sonnet. The story is intriguing and quite suspenseful.

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  1. Date: 1/31/2014 10:13:00 AM
    Deb....You are doing a great job with your enormous sacrifice of time, and willingness to help! thanks! jimbo

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  1. Date: 1/31/2014 7:17:00 AM
    I like Mark's work as number four..Sara

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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 8:32:00 PM
    Well everyone ..almost all the poets have had there say, I haven't heard from Dane or Eileen right now without my vote each poet, Craig, Isaiah & Mark have 3 votes WHATCHA think about that YOU FANTASTIC sonnet writers!!!! - I'll give the 2 ladies till morning to vote they have been soup mailed

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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 7:59:00 PM
    I vote Isaiah.....sound...rhythm...story...solid...like the turn in last quatrain...suspense! Commited with inclusion of bear...nice....yeah, darn good! Including his change to his line 1 (becomes my last line) jimbo

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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 7:50:00 PM
    Ok...ok...ok..i read Isaiah's....i do like his opening line version! "my aim must never waver"...

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 8:29:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    can't do this unless we change yours Jimbo, it really doesn't matter..both ways are fine
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 7:14:00 PM
    Isaiah I think your revisions work if yours is chosen we can use yours instead of the rework I did.. much progress in clarity!!

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    Zerbst Avatar Isaiah Zerbst Date: 1/30/2014 7:58:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Well, it was your suggestions that enabled me to find that clarity. Been great working with you. Thanks a million!
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 6:51:00 PM
    Debs,how are people finding time to analyze and do all this? I took 20 min. just now to study each one and now i am late for the gym!!!! I have no idea how to vote. I like all of them. I have suggestions for maintaining iambic if anyone wants to know but I have no time to even tell my suggestions. If it were I beginning the next sonnet, I would find the first one the easiest to work off from. That ending line is good and is open to many possibilities. I think those who have to do the next sonnet should make the decision, not me!! All three guys have sent the story in a different direction, and all three directions can be good stories!

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 7:13:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    nope every one gets a chance to speak
    Richards Avatar Carrie Richards Date: 1/30/2014 6:59:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    That's a good idea. Perhaps the ones who have to start the next sonnet, would be the ones to pick the previous....easiest to work with?
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 6:50:00 PM
    I'm liking the simplicity of that last sonnet....Mark's revised version...although each one is wonderful, that one seems speaks naturally to me ...maybe it's just me?

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    Dietrich Avatar Andrea Dietrich Date: 1/30/2014 6:53:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I like that one too, but it sounded to me more like a FINAL final line. The second one has a great ending line too if it's about someone being stalked by a past foe?
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 6:45:00 PM
    Isaiah 4 "With practiced speed I flex my bow of Yew"

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 7:27:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    nice one Chas!!!
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 6:35:00 PM
    Ok, I edited my poem. Read through all your replies and tried to incorporate them in my own words. I am really pleased with the results. Thank you so much for the help. I know you have done a lot for me already, but if it is not too much, I would like to know if any further changes need to be made or if that version will suffice.

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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 5:48:00 PM
    Thanks, Debbie for working with my suggestions. I realize that it was not quite clear that the arrow was another. I can only imagine how trying it is to try to keep track of everything and please everyone. I like this second revision a lot better. I am working with your ideas, changing the shape of the poem, if you don't mind. What are we doing for a first line? It keeps changing and that is impacting my preference for a second line. My heartfelt thanks. Isaiah.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 7:26:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    :)
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 5:37:00 PM
    Well, unlike the hunter, my aim does waver. Isaiah's version leaves open some possible human interaction I find intriguing. I'm switching my target to it.

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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 5:16:00 PM
    I prefer Mark's version as it leaves more flexibility open for sonnet 5. Line one needs to match with the previous sonnet, one way or the other.

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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 5:06:00 PM
    Ok guys, none of the number 4 match the last line of number 3, that said I vote for Craig's as it has the twist of the hunter becoming the hunted, although 4th line 1st stanza is too long try "grunting and squealing noises I have spawned" and there are too many lines beginning with "or" ...

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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 4:47:00 PM
    Well, I vote for the rewrite of Craig's tremendous contribution. Mainly because of the language of saying the same thing in a more inviting way to peak interest. Especially the last two lines, which put the vision in your head without actually saying it. Is a very neat ending.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 4:51:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Ok Chas thanks, we'll decide tonight
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 12:47:00 PM
    Wow, great improvement. So nice to have other eyes gaze and augment. Maybe if I'd had a year or two I could have done it myself.

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    Peterson Avatar Mark Peterson Date: 1/30/2014 9:50:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Only going to prove, of course, that I'm not a legend in my own time, just a rumor.
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 8:33:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    see what did I tell you!
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 1:40:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    You don't give yourself enough credit :)
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 11:35:00 AM
    Debbie, you sound offended in your last reply. I sincerely hope you are not. I am not trying to say that your understanding of my poem is faulty. I am bouncing ideas off you to come up with a better poem. Like you said, you don't like the stone idea. That is fine. I can go with your revision. I am by no means asserting that I am right and you are wrong. I think your scarf idea is a good one. Can't remember, does it mention that previously. I had not taken that into consideration, so I would have to revise.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 1:36:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    sorry Isaiah, you're right I'm getting touchy, do you want to try one more revision yourself be fore I try to process you input & everyones elses? Then by the end of the day we can pick one?
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 11:21:00 AM
    I see that there are changes that should be made to my poem, but I think a continuity with the previous poems is important as well. If not the ones I chose, then in some other way. I really appreciate what you are doing, and hope I was not out of line making so many critiques.

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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 11:14:00 AM
    5. "My arrow's shaft" is rather confusing; it seems to me he would know whether he shot his own arrow or not. He is being shadowed, the other person is quite a ways behind him, thus the arrow must be shot at a steep angle in order for it to travel so far. Hence, the "deadly arc." This would clearly distinguish it from his own arrow. 6. The "frozen stone" is meant to refer to Caleb's title, "Stone in the Cold." I thought it would be interesting to have a tangible cold stone, either a real stone or a precious stone that holds some power over him in connection with the past. Perhaps having to do with why he is hunted. A stone of great value or peculiar properties might make a good inclusion.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 11:18:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    wow confusion I thought the arced arrow was his.. don't like the stone angle at all this isn't meant to be a tale of magic in the woods -I will think on all you said..you think how OFF my understand was of what you wrote-I did not get what you intended and rewrite IF you want to.
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 11:01:00 AM
    3. The bowhand actually gets colder than the drawing hand when hunting in cold weather, and is the primary means of aiming the bow, a direct response to, "my aim does not waver." But this one is not so important. 4. Unsure what "my breath scarf muffled" means. I intended this to mean that his foggy breath was right in front of his eyes, but completely disregarded as he pursued his game.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 11:15:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ok who is the he the deer or the man - if the man why would he [regard] his breathe at all, I thought the deer might scent his breath on the air?
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 11:13:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    your breath would be seen as well as the deers but if your face was covered from the cold with a mask or a scarf condensed breathe would as easily show? rise?
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 10:54:00 AM
    The line "a strength of old bends back my bow of yew." Is a continuity of this line from the 3d sonnet, "I'm hoping once more, my arms are still strong." So a reference to arms or strength, which implies strength of arm makes more sense to me. 2. The line "a rack on a fine buck" seems out of place, since that is not what he is savoring, it really is the excitement of the hunt, the crowning achievement of having tracked and snuck up on his prey, and the true flight of his arrow that he is savoring. I do agree that having an animal name in the poem somewhere is a good idea.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 11:27:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I took strength of old to harken back to the time when men drew 100 pound pull long bows, however NP putting the concept back if you can improve the rhythm
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 11:12:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    1) regarding line 2) it didn't recall that line to me - [bends back my bow of yew strumbles after the rthym of [a STREGHTH of OLD] I'm thinking you think too 2) I hear you Isaiah see if you can figure a way to say that without it sounding like blood lust, the lust for a kill - the [crowning] of my hunt -made me think of antlers?
    Goff Avatar James Marshall Goff Date: 1/30/2014 11:06:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Isaiah...Your original line 2 is outstanding follow to my last line! Much better than revision...jimbo
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 10:40:00 AM
    The reason I am favoring Craig's sonnet is because there are still 3 sonnets to go... Craig's ushers in a climax which can be expanded upon in sonnet number 5...getting through the night.... hugs, catie :)

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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 10:38:00 AM
    I have mixed feelings about the revisions done to my poem. Some of the changes are good, providing more clarity and facilitated flow; but much of the continuity with the previous sonnets has been altered, causing it to become more obscure. I am not arguing by any means; I simply want everyone to be aware of my original intent so they can make an informed decision on which lines are better for our purpose.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 11:24:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I don't agree regarding continuity being lost or the meaning obscured by me, you did not get your meaning across, NP folks have rewritten up to five time do so if you wish & I'll take another look BUT only if you are having FUN, you are keeping your versions for yourself the adjusted versions are only to make the GROUP work feel like a single writer did it
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 9:41:00 AM
    We still face the test of absolute truth, I move like the deer mouse, travels unheard. The justice I seek, was born in my youth, tempered by sage, burnt offerings for birds. Tormented by brambles whose thorns I collect I come across remnants, struggles long gone, feathers and crushed bone, on these I reflect. I'm trusting once more, my arms are still strong. A pine marten scurries, close to my step, the sweet scent of birch gum, his claws unearth. My arrows still sheathed, for creeks I have leapt, I have grown cold, but my spirit rebirthed. Tracks at the creek, drink deeply, I savor now the brush moves, my aim does not waver. 01/25/14

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 11:19:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks Jimbo
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 7:28:00 AM
    on my home page, I added the word "slight" to my last line in sonnet #3 ...the brush slight moves, my aim does not waver ....you guys are cool!~!! jimmy

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    Goff Avatar James Marshall Goff Date: 1/30/2014 9:35:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I like "now the brush moves!"
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 8:05:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    How about [Now the brush moves, my aim does not waiver.]
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 8:01:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Jimbo can you send me the original version with the mouse in it please - I thought I still had it but I can't find it..THANKS
    Goff Avatar James Marshall Goff Date: 1/30/2014 7:30:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    smoother
    Goff Avatar James Marshall Goff Date: 1/30/2014 7:29:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    not the perfect word....hoping for one more "pointed, but dreamy" am thinking' but my deli calls! yimbo
  1. Date: 1/30/2014 12:21:00 AM
    Deb, on your rewrite of Craig's for Dee and Joyce you have "a sounder of boars feeds" which is grammatically correct but does not sound very good. I think is because the two s's (boars and feeds) so close together. Boar is singular or plural, but plural can also be boars. It is correct and sounds better to say "a sounder of Boar feeds - - - - -.

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/30/2014 10:06:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I agree with Chas...:)
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/30/2014 6:52:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    can do Chas
  1. Date: 1/29/2014 9:03:00 PM
    Mark & Isaiah & Craig all have given us different choices; caught in a blizzard, a strange man in the woods with the hunter, and a night in a tree surrounded by wild boar ... to morrow I will take a look at the language in Mark's & Isaiah's & then we'll decide OK RUBEN ..:) Kelly

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  1. Date: 1/29/2014 6:25:00 PM
    Just for info: boars don't usually bite. They use their tusks to cut the hamstrings of their victims then when victim is on the ground they freely eat. My brother was attacked by one in south America some years back. A little dog and a native couple saved his life. The hog cut Alex's legs very badly but never cut the hamstring or destroyed muscle. Was very lucky.

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    cornish Avatar craig cornish Date: 1/30/2014 4:20:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Actually sows bite when protecting their young or cornered, male boars slash with their fangs.
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/30/2014 10:04:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Craig's is my favorite, and if a bore rushes and then gores a person with the tusk....could that not have been considered a bite? perhaps not... maybe a simple word change could fix the whole issue. I still like Craig's the best. Poor guy, tied to a tree...LOL I love it! love to all, catie :)
    Henderson Avatar Charles Henderson Date: 1/29/2014 11:58:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Oh, was just info Deb, I wouldn't change. I don't see anything you said that was wrong.
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/29/2014 9:14:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    maybe I can fix it Chas maybe not :(
  1. Date: 1/29/2014 6:21:00 PM
    Hi Debbie, it looks like I am going to be writing next, after sonnet #4 is chosen. I am looking forward to it. My vote for sonnet #4 would be for Isaiah's. The possibilities of where the story could go after that are interesting.

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  1. Date: 1/29/2014 5:58:00 PM
    #4 CC verse 1((a sounder of boars feeds right near the pond,)) This line does not make sense----- suggest: (a) or (the)sound of boars feeding right near the pond

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    Henderson Avatar Charles Henderson Date: 1/29/2014 11:53:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I researched just after writing this.
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/29/2014 8:59:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    a group of boars is called a sounder of boars, like murder of crows & a parliament of owla
  1. Date: 1/29/2014 4:58:00 PM
    I need more time, Deborah. I pass my turn.

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  1. Date: 1/29/2014 1:14:00 PM
    I have posted a sonnet for the fourth, if you still need one. Did what I could on a short notice to help you out. Sounds like you have someone else working on one now. If you don't need it that is ok.

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    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/29/2014 1:31:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Accept Isaiah's, no. 4, I'm withdrawing. Congrats to the winners. I had a ball.
  1. Date: 1/29/2014 11:44:00 AM
    DEBBIE AND JIMBO: the end line " The brush moves, my aim does not waiver" has 9- syl count?

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/29/2014 11:46:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ok nette can you make a note & at the end we will go back through the whole thing & tweak both syllable count & meter - plotting is very hard trying to include everyone's tastes & preferences, I'm trying my best.
  1. Date: 1/29/2014 11:40:00 AM
    craig: good work too.. you and marlon are sharpening the plot.. now you are the prey, what a twist.. :)

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  1. Date: 1/29/2014 11:33:00 AM
    marlon: great mood!. are you fine about " ears navigate?'... just wondering.. huggs

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    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/29/2014 1:25:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yes.. it was targeting the brush, the red tail or white tailthat slumped over into. I'll take a look, Nette, thanks!
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/29/2014 11:39:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    good point nette - I want to let Marlon finish his revisions before I make suggestions
  1. Date: 1/29/2014 10:34:00 AM
    end the verse with a 'cliff hanger' the climax is in verse 5 the scale down in 6 the end in 7 where he gets home safe

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  1. Date: 1/29/2014 10:30:00 AM
    Thanks Scribe. That explains the apostrophe. Joyce

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  1. Date: 1/29/2014 10:24:00 AM
    You're right Marlin. Your 6th line does have ten syllables but your last one only nine. I wish there was a way of posting these exactly as the author wrote them. There can always be mistakes in the reposting by someone else. Sorry. Joyce

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/29/2014 11:24:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Joyce I am copying what I am given & then making suggestion to stay in the same voice, I'm getting upset now I am NOT trying to misrepresent anyone - when they make a change I post it - Craig asked me to go ahead and do what I felt was needed.
    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/29/2014 10:51:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    You are an angel! I added "the" to last stanza and went with"merges"... Thank you. It's on my page: "Hunting The Hunter"... There's an alternative for the fourth also.
  1. Date: 1/29/2014 10:02:00 AM
    M's second line is grammatically incorrect. Why did he make calm possessive? And merge should be merges. He could say merging with the wind. Joyce

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    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/29/2014 10:19:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    release the arrow*
    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/29/2014 10:17:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Calm's breath, is what you exhale right before you release our squeeze a trigger, to make sure your aim does not waver. Inhaling, makes slight movements, throwing your aim off.
  1. Date: 1/29/2014 9:27:00 AM
    Craig's no 4 could be changed to "the gruntings and squealings that I have spawned. I like the clarity in his poetry. It makes it easier for we who follow. Your corrections are spoiling his rhyme scheme. There is nothing wrong with the word spawned. His presence caused the boar's reaction. M's no 4 has only nine syllables in the first line and the 6th. Spoils the rhythm. Joyce

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    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/29/2014 9:58:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    That's the way Debbie wrote it. I made my revisions on my page with the beginning stanza. The 6th line is ten syllables. I'll look into the rhythm, Joyce. To me it flowed. Thanks for your input.
  1. Date: 1/29/2014 8:10:00 AM
    Marlon and Craig...I love both of your sonnets. Y'all got right down to the gritty...Craig, it sounds like you've been in the bush with a wild boar before..ha..those suckers'll get ya won't they?! And Debbie...you must be working so hard with all of this ...gotta be tough ...but you're doing a great job, and I can't wait to see how this all turns out. Well, gotta run folks!

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    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/29/2014 9:25:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Caleb.
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 10:18:00 PM
    I like Craig's fourth line. Aesthetically it is not as pleasing, but his beat, rhythm and syllables are spot on for me. Other than for cosmetic reasons, I don't see any poetic reason to change it. My 2 cents (and worth as much!) lol ;) ~Chan

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  1. Date: 1/28/2014 8:50:00 PM
    It is possible to scare both the critter & the hunter without either getting bled? I had hoped Mark would give us that scenario, who would like to build the tension higher without the blood? I'd like 1 more person to try for 4

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    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/29/2014 9:39:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    No blood*...on my phone
    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/29/2014 9:36:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Hunting with blood, pg 13ish. This may not be for me. I'm sticking to my guns with my revised that has an alternative opening, and heart stanza. Of my name is on it, it has to satisfy me first. I can win or lose satisfied, due to my own errors. Thanks for the input.
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 1/28/2014 8:52:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    No blood?
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 8:50:00 PM
    Night all! Way to collaborate, you SONNETEERS!

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  1. Date: 1/28/2014 8:08:00 PM
    With regret, I must withdraw from the group. The topic has gone in a direction that for me summons no prose. Best to everyone and thanks for the honor of the invite.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/28/2014 9:03:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    sorry you feel this way, you had the power to draw it elsewhere by using your imagination
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 4:17:00 PM
    The trouble Debbie is that the rhyme scheme on your write doesn't work in lines 2 & 4 and blood and strong in the 3rd?

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/28/2014 4:18:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    yup Craig tired ... long strong wrong patter GAH! I'll go eat some food
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My Past Blog Posts

 
Peace Through Understanding Using Poetry & Art
Date Posted: 11/12/2014 3:54:00 PM
Chan Hurst
Date Posted: 11/8/2014 9:07:00 AM
The World is FULL of Good Books
Date Posted: 11/6/2014 8:44:00 AM
Things That Make You Go Hmmm
Date Posted: 10/11/2014 10:48:00 PM
The Power and Peril of Punctuation
Date Posted: 10/9/2014 8:49:00 AM
Aiming for Poetry as an ART
Date Posted: 10/4/2014 2:19:00 PM
More, More, More
Date Posted: 9/30/2014 5:22:00 PM
Published Poetry of the 21st Century [not mine]
Date Posted: 9/28/2014 2:41:00 PM
HELP the Meow Meow Pussycats!!!
Date Posted: 9/8/2014 3:54:00 PM
What Does Debbie Sound Like???
Date Posted: 8/29/2014 11:53:00 AM
Eunoia Review
Date Posted: 8/23/2014 7:58:00 AM
Doowop
Date Posted: 7/30/2014 3:16:00 PM
Thank Ruben! OH Oh, Mr. O
Date Posted: 7/24/2014 7:38:00 PM
SHUF Home of Experimental Poetics
Date Posted: 7/22/2014 3:52:00 PM
Grrrr PS please STOP
Date Posted: 7/17/2014 8:27:00 AM
Dead Snakes
Date Posted: 7/15/2014 11:30:00 AM
I got 'splaining to Do!
Date Posted: 7/7/2014 11:03:00 AM
Sijo
Date Posted: 6/14/2014 3:42:00 PM
Tincture - A Fine Magazine
Date Posted: 6/5/2014 3:22:00 PM
Smart and Small, Yet Says it All
Date Posted: 6/1/2014 5:42:00 PM
I'm Waiting!!
Date Posted: 5/27/2014 8:22:00 PM
Help Me
Date Posted: 5/17/2014 12:40:00 PM
Last Call Anyone Else want help? Spring haiku Contest
Date Posted: 5/13/2014 11:37:00 AM
Some Good Advise
Date Posted: 5/9/2014 3:21:00 PM
Andrea Dietrich, Joanne Grisetti, Susan Burch
Date Posted: 4/14/2014 9:17:00 AM

My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoemTitleFormCategories
11/25/2014 Death Muses of ISIS Verseafrica,violence,war,
11/24/2014 Clue III-Suicidal Dick's Prose Poetrymystery,
11/23/2014 A Supreme Summer Free versework,
11/23/2014 Frozen in Crystalline - Number 7 Crystallinefaith,
11/17/2014 illusion amid artistry Blitzabsence,beauty,bereavemen
11/14/2014 Tyree Gits the Boot Limerickcowboy,
11/8/2014 Clue II Haibunmystery,
11/7/2014 A Heart of Gold Versebeauty,father,friendship,
11/6/2014 Pie Eyed Sonnetfood,
11/2/2014 Boxers Versesports,
10/30/2014 Astral Ash Biofarewell,
10/29/2014 ashes fall from the joss stick: finger bone Prose Poetrydeath,
10/22/2014 Blessed Outcomes Alexandrinedesire,devotion,love,myth
10/21/2014 Above the Broad Versemen,woman,
10/21/2014 The Oracle's Descent Rispettomythology,
10/20/2014 The Party's Over Versebetrayal,
10/20/2014 Fall's Bounty Sonnetbeauty,
10/15/2014 Dark Angels of Highgate Sestinadeath,
10/3/2014 Destiny Number 5 Limerickfunny,
9/30/2014 Forever Blowing Bubbles Limerickhumor,
9/29/2014 Autumn Acrosticautumn,
9/28/2014 Free Form Verselife,
9/23/2014 Eccentric Eyes Sonnetpain,
9/23/2014 Hiding Places Haibunabuse,
9/23/2014 Daddies Girl Free versechildhood,
9/16/2014 Holy is the Lamb Free versepeople,philosophy,
9/3/2014 The Devil Made Me Do It Haibunanger,feelings,relationsh
9/2/2014 Watching the Shadows Grow Trioletnature,
8/29/2014 Petty-Cured Abecedarianfunny,
8/26/2014 Love Froze the Flame Ghazallost love,love,
8/21/2014 Mist Rise Ottava rimabeauty,
8/19/2014 Bewitching Power Rhymemen,power,
8/15/2014 Unknown Innocence Sonnetfaith,
8/13/2014 Mi Corazon Lyricromance,
8/12/2014 What Ever Gets You Through the Night Versefaith,
8/10/2014 A Different Fear Verseabuse,
8/7/2014 Prayer for Harvest Versesky,
8/4/2014 Black Ships Sail Tail-rhymeabsence,
7/31/2014 The Sky Larked Moon Versemoon,
7/31/2014 White Shoulder Dreams Free versemissing you,
7/31/2014 Masked at Midnight Blitzmurder,mystery,
7/28/2014 Velvet as Laughter - Blitz Versejoy,
7/24/2014 Soar Among Stars Versegrowth,
7/22/2014 Peek A Boo Versebaby,
7/19/2014 Ride Sally Ride Balladsexy,
7/19/2014 sun shower Haikucelebration,
7/19/2014 Turtle Bridge Free versemythology,
7/17/2014 The Scent of Water Verselife,
7/15/2014 The Great Turtle and Sky Woman Rhymemythology,
7/12/2014 The Clarity of Eye Sonnetuplifting,visionary,
7/11/2014 Shattered Stages Verseloss,
7/4/2014 Debbie's Rhyme Schema Versefun,
7/1/2014 Moonlight Kisses Ghazalsea,
6/25/2014 Somnabulant Sijonature,
6/24/2014 Going Down Limericklust,
6/24/2014 Dick's Pick Limerickgirlfriend,
6/24/2014 Penance Versefaith,
6/17/2014 Lord Harry's Front Limerickfunny,gender,
6/13/2014 Sea Saw Versesea,
6/10/2014 Dream Catchers Sijoappreciation,change,
6/9/2014 Glass Bells Free versebeauty,
6/7/2014 The Virgin, the Villian and the Black Dog Sonnetlost love,
6/2/2014 Munch's Moon Verselonely,longing,
5/18/2014 Smiling Charmed Versetime,
5/17/2014 The Day's Mourning Terzanellebereavement,
5/16/2014 blonde bombshell Senryudeath,
5/16/2014 I See Your Shell Terza Rimaabuse,introspection,sad l
5/15/2014 Awash Terzanellenature,sad,
5/15/2014 Picture Perfect Versebeauty,
5/15/2014 Sunset Compliment Dizainbeauty,
5/7/2014 MacCool's Tool Limerickallusion,humor,
5/2/2014 The Red Tide Kyriellechildhood,violence,war,wi
4/30/2014 Antique Knights Ghazalcar,cool,
4/22/2014 Blood Moon Coupletchange,death,eulogy,
4/22/2014 -drainpipes rattle on - Tanka Tankaspring,
4/21/2014 Thunder Dome Sonnetlife,
4/17/2014 Wolf Pacts Sonnetpolitical,pollution,pover
4/17/2014 Thread Time Verseuplifting,
4/16/2014 Itty Bitty Spring Tankanature,
4/16/2014 Wind Born Free versedream,
4/12/2014 Crest Fallen Versecolor,
4/8/2014 Skin Deep Free versemagic,
4/7/2014 Dark And Mystical Versenight,
4/5/2014 Tick Tock - Itty Bitty Free verseage,funny,
4/4/2014 Sweety Peeps Versecandy,child,
4/2/2014 Trash Talkin' Free versepoems,
4/1/2014 The Handy Man Limerickfunny,funny love,
3/28/2014 March Goosebumps Sonnetspring,wind,
3/23/2014 St Catherine's Wheel Free versesky,
3/19/2014 He Crowed the Night Free versenight,
3/15/2014 Memories on the Branch Rhymeseasons,
3/14/2014 Crotches and Scotches Limerickfunny,
3/13/2014 Pushing the Envelope Free versespring,
3/13/2014 Truth Limerickfunny,
3/7/2014 Life is What You Make It Sonnetloss,
2/28/2014 Dewberry Cobbler Haibungrowing up,
2/24/2014 Remember Kent State Free versewar,
2/22/2014 What's White Got to Do With It Rhymenostalgia,parody,
2/21/2014 The Naughty Boy Quatraincare,
2/21/2014 Dumb Broad Acrosticlost love,

My Photos


Fav Poems

PoemTitleFormCategories
God Free verselife,mystery,
Hard Times Cowboycowboy-western,family,fun
For Things Once Counted Rhymeintrospection,loss,uplift
Petal Verselove,
Defender of the Wastes Free verseart,life,parody,world,
Birth Imagismchildhood,life
this is why i woo words Verseart,inspirational,philoso
Forbear Free versesad,
Belongings Rhymeloss,love,mother,peacewor
Gold Fever Free versefaithfaith,political,
Splattered I do not know?life
Echo Quatrainlost lovewords,love,
Bells (after Poe) Lyricpassion
Respectfully, Emily Dickinson Lyricintrospection
Give the End Back to the Beginning Free versededication,faithme,
The Bruised and Rotting Pear Coupletfaith,hope
fly Free verseanimals
ABC's for a Young Captain ABClife
Not Entirely About Living In New York Free verselifeworld,light,light,
Woodcutter I do not know?warold,old,
Dreams Free versefaith,forgiveness
A Feed of Chips Narrativefunny
Weep O Willows Versedeath
Harlem Blues Free verseblack-african amerchildre
Summers Everlasting Free versenostalgia
EASTER IVY Narrativefriendshipeaster,,cousin,
The Sowing Free versedevotion,
End of days Rhymeinspirational,lifeme,war,
Past-Life Nightmare Narrativemystery,autumn,
I dream of you (to JEW) Free verseimagination,lovenight,swe
jellyfish back strophe Imagismallegory,nature,on writin
Disposable Wisdom Rhymeage,cat,life,wisdom,
Loneliness Rhymeintrospection,life
Remission (In Memory of William Watt). Elegybrother,death,nostalgiawo
The Day That Died Forever Free verseadventure,angst,art,confu
Heritage Quatrainadventure,cowboy-western,
Summer Matinee Narrativebrother,me,
The Moon and I I do not know?hope,life,love,nature,pea
Seeking, Searching Free verseimaginationlove,
BEFORE SPRING CAME Narrativeadventure,animals,childho
Pledge Sonnetdevotion
Wild Cherry Tree Free versechildhood,devotion,nature
Words from the Oracle Layallegory,philosophy
Science Free verse 
Mona Lisa resembles Chokaart
AND WITH MERRIEST SPIRIT Quintain (English)faith,father,holiday,insp
Cotton-Pickin' Paradise Versechildhood,life,nostalgia,
Where The Sycamore Grew Free verseautumn,family,house,life,
Larks Free versedeath,devotion,imaginatio
Big Bang Limerickfunny,science
winter (do not forget among the loss of flowers) me Free verse 
Let I do not know?loveme,me,
He Was Smoking Hot I do not know?funny
Alabaster Night Free versenature,sea,
Haunted Orb Haikufantasy,nature
This Night Sonnet 
Tombstones & Teacups Rhymeallegory,childhood,death,
Today Not Tomorrow Free versededication,depression,gir
Years Of The Rose Free verselost love,loveday,
The Joy that Sweetly Stays Free versehappinessjoy,
Cinder Girl Rhymelovelove,
Biography (Thesis Statement) Versehistory,life,philosophyli
Figure Fusion Verseart,sports
Dancing Bird - with video link Free verseanimals,introspection,nat
Poem for a sensuous poet Free versefantasy,on writing and wo
The Road Walked Down Through the Years Rhymelife,on writing and words
The Iceman Cometh! Rhymenostalgia
He says/ She says Narrativelife
I've seen so many Sonnetintrospectionnight,night,
Searching for Michelangelo Free verseart,hope,life,people,imag
When Madness Rides on Moonlight Sestinalovegod,light,god,life,li
Falling Stars Free versehopestar,star,
Before the City Wakes Sonnet 
realisation of self (War Child) Free verseme,me,
Reporting Live On The Soup (Colorado) Rhymefunnyme,me,
Late at night Lyricimaginationme,fear,me,
Reverencing Nature Balladfaith,naturenature,heart,
Dreams Coupletimagination
Simple Pleasures Rhymehappinesssummer,summer,
I Exist Pantoumintrospectionlife,me,
Leaving Madrid Blank versenostalgia,travel
Magnolia Song Free verselove,romance,
yellow bus roars through Haikuallegory,nature,places
Ethel's Remedies Rhymefunny,people
A Dream In The Mist Narrativefantasy,imagination,natur
volga 1 - 3 Prose Poetryfantasy
Mama's Cleaning Quatrainintrospection,life,mother
UPROOTING THE HEART VEINS Free verseangst,hope,mysteryme,
Revelation Free verseimagination,lifesong,epic
Sports Limerick Limerickfunny
Don't Come Free versedeath,lost love,me,
The Snowflake Italian Sonnetgirlfriend-boyfriend,roma
Love Beyond the Pale Quatraindevotion,lost love,
Jack Lyricintrospectionlife,
Night Visions Free verselost love,passion,
The Ghost That Travels Far Personificationnature
Kite Flying - Test Free verseallegory,art,imagination,
Dining with Crow Rhymeanimals
Beauty, yes Sijohope,imagination,philosop
Smart and Final Prose Prose Poetrypeoplepeople,red,city,peo

Fav Poets

PoetCountry 
Carolyn Devonshire United States Flag United States Read
Carrie Richards United States Flag United States Read
Deirdre Omaidin Ireland Flag Ireland Read
Andrew Crisci United States Flag United States Read
Jim Fish United States Flag United States Read
Debbie Guzzi United States Flag United States Read
Nigel Fawcett Italy Flag Italy Read
L'nass Shango United States Flag United States Read
Andrea Dietrich United States Flag United States Read
Robert L. Hinshaw United States Flag United States Read
Chris D. Aechtner Canada Flag Canada Read
nette onclaud Philippines Flag Philippines Read
Sidney Beck Russian Federation Flag Russian Federation Read
Sami Al-khalili Canada Flag Canada Read
Charlotte Puddifoot United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Cyndi MacMillan Canada Flag Canada Read
T Wignesan _Not Listed Flag _Not Listed Read
Elaine George Canada Flag Canada Read
sharon Winter United States Flag United States Read
Michael Smith United States Flag United States Read
jack horne United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Catie Lindsey United States Flag United States Read