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Deborah Guzzi travels for inspiration: China, Nepal [during the civil war], Japan, Egypt [two weeks before ‘The Arab Spring’], and most recently Peru. First published at the age of sixteen, she writes articles for Massage and Aroma Therapy Magazines. Her poetry has been accepted in the Literary Journals of Western CT. University, Inclement Magazine, Pyrokinections, Jellyfish Whispers, Grey Wolf’s Summer Legends Anthology, The Germ, Wilderness Literary Review, The Anthology Sweet Dreams & Night Terrors, Bitterzoet Magazine, haiku journal, Contemporary Haibun Online, Bella on line, The Autumn Sound, Eskimo Pie, and Ribbons, The Inwood Indiana Review, Five Poetry, Tanka Society of America Journal, and 50 haiku. She has published two illustrated volumes of poetry, The Healing Heart and Heaven and Hell in a Nutshell.


Contest by Invitation Only


Blog Posted:1/21/2014 8:50:00 PM
Crown of Sonnets, 7 will be picked to win in the contest, seven that fit the best together. 

It is a 7-sonnet sequence in which

the last line of each sonnet is repeated in the first line of the next.

The first line is repeated as the last line of the 7th. sonnet;
this gives the sequence its crown-like circularity.
 
These will be MODERN SONNETS, 14 lines, 10 syllables per line

 abab cdcd efef gg/ I want flow but strict meter is not necessary.




* means they said they'd try for us [we'll try 3 at a time & pick which one works best then move one] blend your writing style with Caleb's. REMEMBER big boy & girl pant
  1. Eileen Ghali * Sarah Kendrick*Dane Ann Smith Johnson* 7
  2. Carrie Richards *6 Joyce Johnson * 6 Andrea Dietrich* 6
  3. Caleb Smith * #1
  4. Craig Cornish *4 The Scribe *4 Mark Peterson *4
  5. Charles Henderson #2 David Williams * #2
  6. Catie Lindsey * #3 Nette Onclaud *#3 Jim Goff #3
  7. Isaiah Zerbst*5 Roy Jerden* 5 Ruben O*Kelly Deschler 5 * binibinig P. .iNk  

As you say YES you will be given a number, the poetry is to be read sequentially
ONLY 7 people will win and all of those 7 will get a first place.  

Stone in the Cold

By Caleb Smith


#1
 

 Through darkness I come with a stealthy hand,
who but a man shadowed could be so bold?
My eyes hunt take a reckoning of the land,
look into the hollows, constant and cold.

My companion solitude, still as stone,
I am the seeker of winds, and of scent.
By the trees yonder, I wait not  alone;
my aim is true, and my purpose unbent.

Yet, death does not bring a smile to my lips,
nor a lift unto this wayfaring heart;
in grief I am fed, from  silence I sip,
and from the old wood, I shall never part.

The hunt will remain for those who pursue,
a  life that no death could ever undo.

#2 selection C. H. 

A life that no death could ever undo,
for there are portals I've yet to find.
Hidden life in the green I wish to pursue,
oh, the secrets of life and death entwine.  

I search and search, I will know no defeat.
Each corner turned will find new paths to tread.
The deer or the bear, the fox that I meet
will reveal the secrets of life not death.

So, let the wood talk, hear what it reveals.
Riddle its meanings there to be understood.
The less armor worn, we brandish or wield,
higher truth follows our message of good.

Come into the woods as in days of youth,
we still face the test of absolute truth.

 #3 of 3 J. G.

We still face the test of absolute truth,
the nights coming fast, I travel unheard.
The reverence I feel, was born in youth,
tempered by sage, burnt offerings for birds.

Tormented by brambles whose thorns I collect
I come to remains of struggles long gone,
feathers and crushed bone, on these I reflect.
I'm hoping once more, my arms are still strong.

A pine marten scurries, close to my step,
the sweet scent of birch gum, his claws unearth.
My arrow's still sheathed, for creeks I have leapt.
I have grown cold, but my spirit rebirthed.

Tracks at the creek, the water I savor
the brush moves, my aim does not waver. 

#4 Marlon

The brush moves, my aim does not waver
Exhaling calm's breath, which merge with the wind
Breeding bellow lures hunt in my favor
Striking gold adjacent to its front limb

My ears navigate towards death's language
The soul's soliloquies sung by the stag
Look into its eyes, buck-knives cure anguish
Table blessings spoil if hunters lag

Blood seasons the arrow for my taste buds
Delicacy offered by pure nature
Unaware of wolves pursuit to taste blood
My meal and I, are conjoined as flavor

Nature is the keeper of its wanted
When hunter is graced being hunted

 BUT the action/suspense must BE here- Sonnet 4 begins

BE VERY SENSORY STAY IN FIRST PERSON PRESENT TENSE

Line one verse 4

the brush moves, my aim does not waver. 

PLEASE READ CALEB'S BLOG FOR INSPIRATION



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  1. Date: 1/30/2014 8:07:00 PM
    I'll vote for the blizzard. Joyce

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  1. Date: 1/29/2014 3:21:00 PM
    marlin, line 2 first verse doesn't read exactly right. suggestion: the bow arches, death flies with the wind- - -It gets rid of a little "tontoism" in that line, also agrees with "arrow" in the last verse. Also making bellow plural (bellows) third line gets rid of tontoism there--------- (breeding bellows lure hunt in my favor) or you could just say "a breeding call lures hunt in my favor". hope this makes sense to you.

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  1. Date: 1/28/2014 3:01:00 PM
    Which is the numbered order we write in? The numbers before the names, or the ones after?

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    Zerbst Avatar Isaiah Zerbst Date: 1/29/2014 12:30:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ok. Thanks.
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/28/2014 3:06:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    you are writing the 5th jewel in the crown
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 2:20:00 PM
    Catie, Nette......love your sonnets! you both are amazing Women! Deb....if ya hike w/me....we identify wildflowers and document....also other wildlife and activity they are engaged in.....oh...we haiku! easy to do in the forest.....plants and animals (we never approach, let them come to us, or not) talk to us non-stop!....jimbo

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    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/28/2014 2:49:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Everyone has posted some amazing verses. This is fun. Thanks to Debbie, for supplying the amazing idea.... Caleb, was the instrument for inspiration. His verse opened us all up.
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 2:03:00 PM
    My sonnet idea is posted---BTW David is right--repost this as a new blog.

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  1. Date: 1/28/2014 1:19:00 PM
    Debbie you should start another blog before this one disappears at the bottom....

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/28/2014 3:21:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Roger thAT
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 10:52:00 AM
    Sorry that my post went missing about #3. This is a mystery. Have begun on #4, but I'm having a little trouble reconciling light and love with life and death night action and suspense. Comment?

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    Peterson Avatar Mark Peterson Date: 1/28/2014 12:09:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Ah, I see. In any event, I'm easily confused.
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/28/2014 11:47:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    LOL welcome to MY world, Mark. LOL hugs, catie :)
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/28/2014 11:37:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Light & Love is just my salutation it has nothing to do with the formation of your sonnet for #4 - sorry to have confused you
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 10:40:00 AM
    very much, my growth curve is cunningly accelerating, due to all you geniuses! seriously.....my eyes are opening wider with intricacies of this form....without looking or sounding.....fake....the right emotion and energy, balanced with brains......scary! jimbo

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/28/2014 1:03:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    love the hint of agression in your sonnet, jimbo!.. amazing read!
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/28/2014 11:48:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    very awesome sonnet, Jimbo. :)
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/28/2014 10:44:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    aww you are a doll to take the emotional risk all of you, I have so often wished I was close to go into the wild walking with you
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 8:46:00 AM
    oh gosh, I guess I am too late. Came to vote on a third one. Maybe you could do a new blog each time you post the next three! So do the ones you are showing automatically have first place? Is that how it works?

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/28/2014 8:52:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    yes .. But everyone not chosen will get ranked separately - I think I will give one more 1 to the best sonnet in general not used in the crown then 2-5 no one so far has even done a sonnet I would rate less than 3!
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 8:28:00 AM
    yes, I like Jimbo's also. :) I also loved both of Nettes. I think the crowd has chosen wisely to move the poem forward in suspense.... love to all, catie :)

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/28/2014 1:07:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    what a refined sonnet you created catie, i was tattoed!.. i never hunted, so i had to use my inmagination to make the scene utterly throbbing.. thanks for the fun!
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/28/2014 9:00:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yours was excellent Catie perfect flow, nette's was very excellent & suspenseful to we ladies who haven't had much woods experience have a harder time with the topic, thanks so much for your graciousness both of you
  1. Date: 1/28/2014 12:35:00 AM
    they each have elements that together would be stunning but I realise they cannot be blended into one sonnet, so that said I would have to go for Jimbo's as an overall one....

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    Hunter Avatar Painted Hunter Date: 1/28/2014 7:25:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I agree with David. But I am loving all of them!...y'all are putting me right in my element here..haha. Hopefully I'll have some time today to be a little more active
    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/28/2014 12:43:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Your original one is one of the best, so far. Collectively brilliance will be achieved. There are no losers in comradery!
  1. Date: 1/27/2014 9:52:00 PM
    I liked all three, but the one that seems to suit the subject best, the one that puts me in the bush, best shows me, is JG. Nette's original third verse is ART, perfect, have no idea why it was changed. My favourite for tone, language and flow is Catie's original. all fawn's come from a doe, so I don't get the change, why it was necessary? Now, JG, the edit, Line 2 needs a comma between fast and I. In line 11, I'd exchange the word "for" with "though" so as to drop one of the many commas. Line 13, could be altered to "The creek slakes thirst as water I savor," just an idea for purpose of flow. You guys are doing AWESOME. I'm still struggling with the subject, but loving the tone, loved

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    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 1/28/2014 9:33:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    No explanation needed. I see why the changes were made, Bet.
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/28/2014 7:25:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I'd explain the changes but we must push forward - The SUSPENSE is too low we must raise it.
    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan Date: 1/27/2014 9:58:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    seeing this develop. Good for you all! Awesome to see you co-writing, listening to each other... how cool are you guys, like the bards of ole, able to wax and wane with lines with no tankards slammed. xoxox to all
  1. Date: 1/27/2014 5:08:00 PM
    Based on what you have said Debbie and the direction---I agree with David.

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  1. Date: 1/27/2014 3:15:00 PM
    Ok Nette's second one, I like the content but it misses the flow here and there, but it is staying with the theme and the re-work is flowing much better but I prefer nette's 3rd stanza and last line, if they could be conjoined ????

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/27/2014 4:14:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    great take on the 3rd stanza, david... be my guest!.. whooo, i don't want to compromise the mystery or reduce the tension before the climax unfolds... thanks!
    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/27/2014 4:09:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    yo!.. " hunger for prey claims my thirst harassed is figurative..".. the seeker has been hankering to hunt though he waits for the right time to aim at his game .." moose descends"--- from a high plane, it comes down and settles on grass... that's how in goes, folks... i had fun with this.. :)
    Williams Avatar David Williams Date: 1/27/2014 4:06:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    as a new day dawns and refuse I seek... a silhouette rises its coat dew drenched... from behind a tree my prey takes a peek... a recoiling echo, my thirst is quenched
    Williams Avatar David Williams Date: 1/27/2014 4:02:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Nette's 3rd stanza.. as a new day dawns and refuse I seek a silhouette rises its coat dew drenched from behind a tree my prey takes a peek as a shot rings out and my thirst is quenched
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/27/2014 3:36:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    hunger for prey claims my thirst harassed - its so unclear what she means ok he's hungry - what's a harassed thirst? & before that [range, a moose descends on grass] I see flying moose drifting down on parachutes? ;) give it a whack David show me?
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/27/2014 3:30:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I'll try?
  1. Date: 1/27/2014 2:20:00 PM
    Okies everyone you have 3 choses which have been mind melded into potential SONNET 3's PICK before Craig bites the bit into! Marlon may kick out the stall walls if we don't hurry up! LOL

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  1. Date: 1/27/2014 1:00:00 AM
    Outstanding job, Deb, to you and all of the writers. I can't wait to see the completed Crown of Sonnets.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/27/2014 8:53:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    hey Carolyn! Nice to see you!
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 9:14:00 PM
    I'm sorry Debbie, maybe next time. For the record i was thrilled. Skat

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/27/2014 7:34:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    no problem doesn't mean you can't give your opinions here, thanks for letting me know
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 6:47:00 PM
    Very nice revisions, deb! On both my own and Jimbo's sonnet. Yes, I can see and feel the tension growing, and I wonder....what next?

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  1. Date: 1/26/2014 5:30:00 PM
    I like your re-work, Deb!

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/27/2014 4:55:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    i enjoyed your latest revision. jimbo...
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 5:17:00 PM
    just so this old redneck boy is not misunderstood, let me add. I am against hunting for anything unless the specie is endangered by overpopulation. Even if the specie is a pest, I feel it was made by a higher power than me and I have no right to completely irradicate. Unless we are talking abut fire ants, of course.

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  1. Date: 1/26/2014 4:47:00 PM
    JG- - -since is present tense you may need an "s" on rebirth.

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  1. Date: 1/26/2014 4:35:00 PM
    Nette: your question mark line 12-----you are right. The remark is not really practical- - -- -- -While horses lay on trees to yawn away - The horses would sleep standing up or simply lying on the ground-let’s change to- - - - - "While horses flick tails to keep flies away"- - - of course that would establish a season element into the poem and I don’t know whether that does or doesn’t make a difference to Deb

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/27/2014 1:44:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    chas, lol... that was a real rough draft; can you imagine that horse!... i did 2nd one; hope it's better!... thanks!
    Henderson Avatar Charles Henderson Date: 1/26/2014 5:03:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Or perhaps she can suggest another remedy.
    Henderson Avatar Charles Henderson Date: 1/26/2014 5:02:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Well, we can just change to what I suggested but I want Nette to be happy with the change.
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 4:43:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I put the ? Chas, and yes the horse thing throws me off too
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 4:28:00 PM
    Of the 3 submitted, the one that reflects closest to the spirit of hunting, would be Jimbos. But,,,in the second sonnet, Charles leads us into hearing the voice of nature in his last 6 lines.... so....hmmm....

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 4:29:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    what to do...what to do.... LOL :)
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 4:11:00 PM
    Corrected....thanks guys!

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    Goff Avatar James Marshall Goff Date: 1/26/2014 5:43:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    That dern "auto drop deal" whatchacallit...dropped "trembles" below...not me!
    Goff Avatar James Marshall Goff Date: 1/26/2014 5:41:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I like deer mice! Mickey Mouse was a deer mouse! Did you know?...if you spot a deer mouse on the forest floor trembles it's good luck!
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 5:27:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    well they are eating cats here! so they are scary!
    Henderson Avatar Charles Henderson Date: 1/26/2014 5:08:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    careful Deb, coyote is an ugly word these days in SC. They are killing of all the baby deer. I think coyote are always in season for hunters.
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 4:51:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    why are you calling a mouse hon cam we call something else a moose? a deer? can you playfully mimic a coyote
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 4:47:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Jimbo we need scary critters to build tension wolfs howling, coyotes, raging mooses? meesess?
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 4:03:00 PM
    Gosh, those are all good...gonna be hard to pick one, eh Debbie? I connect with parts of all of them, but more so with Jimbo's, I think. I don't know if that's because I DO hunt with a long bow...might have something to do with it. Anyway, great job all of you.

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  1. Date: 1/26/2014 3:50:00 PM
    Okay Debbie, Just posted a sonnet for you to check out. Used last lines from both last sonnets to start.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 4:33:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    OK Craig but I'm not ready for you hon.
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 3:29:00 PM
    LOOK at what one MAGAZINE says-Contributors receive two copies of the issue in which their work appears and as much exposure as we can tastefully give them.All others will be thanked profusely for submitting and wished well.Please note: Some work, if not selected, will be made into paper airplanes or erotic origami (reserved for only the best work.)

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  1. Date: 1/26/2014 3:07:00 PM
    Deb, David is right...few lines of mine are off the correct count! Want me to fix?

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    Goff Avatar James Marshall Goff Date: 1/26/2014 3:46:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Ok!.... give me a few minutes...I'm at a zombie party for my 8yr old grand nephew...brought my REAL zombie killer sword!
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 3:10:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    you can .. I like the leggings off too because Caleb would wear jeans & the verses before do not feel like last of the Mohegans [grin] no matter how much I drooled over Daniel Day Lewis?
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 2:40:00 PM
    OK now, TALK to me which one should I try to blend with the first two, who stayed in character? who strayed from character why? WHICH BUILT TENSION [I REALLY THINK THERE'S LITTLE SUSPENSE BUILDING - the noise in nette's last couplet is the closest to getting us spooked?]

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/27/2014 4:53:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    with intent, i slowly built some rattling created a different settig to provide suspense leading to the climactic part...
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 12:25:00 PM
    Posted! "New Poems" Deb....some end words drop a line down...I use my android! All I own! Easy for you to pull up a line on a laptop....jimbo

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    Williams Avatar David Williams Date: 1/26/2014 2:31:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Jimbo great effort one of the best so far, I have left a comment....
    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/26/2014 1:41:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Amazing... With bow and arrow, a true marksman. You gents who are one with the woods, your Sonnets are like scenes of a motion picture. I'll log on later to see who made the cut... Debbie, your hands are full, but entertained. I may take a crack at the 4th jewel in this crown. Everyone, be good and safe. Laterz
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 1:40:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yours is awesome, Jimbo. :)
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 11:59:00 AM
    Caleb has some good hunting stories I'm asking him to repost them to stimulate all of you & relate how scary the woods can be so you have some ideas of what might bring suspense to the sonnet.

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  1. Date: 1/26/2014 11:03:00 AM
    Will post soon!

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 11:06:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Can't wait to see what you've come up with jimbo...I know it will be awesome!!!
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 10:30:00 AM
    thanks all...i am getting it now, the whole picture.. i was thinking that caleb was the " keeper" of the woods... the word * mint describes the scent of air... will polish in haf a day, and send to debs,right?... congrats on your crown being acceoted!.. btw, catie, i like your version... wow!

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 4:45:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I think we are all in first person nette I asked for 1st person- I'm speaking of getting into Caleb's head/voice/thought & speak patterns metaphorically
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 1:16:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    hi Nette, i like yours even better than mine....i guess its true, we are our own worst critics. :)
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 11:54:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I think we'll let our sonneteers have the volta end of 5 all of six
    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/26/2014 10:51:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    honestly, the 3rd sonnet is the hardest because it has to be strong to lead us to the pount of clmax before the denouement... yayy!
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 10:37:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    we are getting some fantastic sonnets out of this challenge EVERY KEEP YOUR ORIGINALS!
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 10:13:00 AM
    some one kick Tim, Yassie & Kash I have already sent personal emails?

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  1. Date: 1/26/2014 10:01:00 AM
    Hi, Nette and Catie just my two cents, Nette's 5+8th lines lose syll count, and some lines jar a little ( not sure what a "mint" of air is ) but some very good content, Catie 10th line 9syll and 12line 11syll (years is two to me ) but I think it flows better and is more to the theme...I actually changed mine 5 times...Good going ladies...

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 12:08:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ok...updates made. Thanks guys, for your help with this one. hugs, catie :)
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 12:06:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    yes, David, the american dictionary shows you are half right, struggling is two syll not 3 as I supposed, yet years, as Charles points out, is only one...so I am making more changes.
    Henderson Avatar Charles Henderson Date: 1/26/2014 11:17:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    years, 1 syll David, tears, sears, beers. Had a teacher once told me to wastch mouth position. Each time the position changes is a new syllable. But not pay attention to changes due to double consonants like tw in tweet. Sounds like two sys but is only one.
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 11:05:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ok, I have made some slight changes...what do you think of this..."Honoring nature I know to desist / then I see her new fawn struggling to stand / knowing man and animal coexist / and next year's hunt brings it's own demands." ?
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 11:00:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    will make those changes...Thanks :)
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 10:56:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, david. i appreciate the help. I think the confusion comes in the articulation of each word, to me....struggling is pronounced strug-ul-ing, and years in my pronunciation is one syllable. may it is so soft I can hardly notice the variation...would it be ye-ars?
    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/26/2014 10:56:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    right, david.. i just wrote it raw and sent it to debs for perusal... will work on the final one tomorow... raring to go!
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 9:08:00 AM
    YES!!! A BIG yes and thank you for inviting me. I will love working with everyone on this poem. What a great idea, Debbie. Big Smiles! Lovingly, Dane Ann

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  1. Date: 1/26/2014 9:08:00 AM
    Jimbo? he is such a man of the Earth, truly he will come up with something totally awesome. I do like Nette's sonnet as well. :)

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/26/2014 10:40:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    thank you.. likewise, catie...:)
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 8:27:00 AM
    So that more people get a chance I am going to have 3 people not 2 work on each sonnet - OK this is IMPORTANT - the MAIN CHARACTER is Caleb we are speaking in the first person as if you are him & he is a HUNTER [Who=Caleb, What=Hunter, Where=the woods WHY=for food & peace/quiet, WHEN=?, HOW=

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/26/2014 10:43:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    seems like thease are the elements of theater or a novel: plot, setting, theme, characters, etc, lol.. but those are trhe basics... got the perpective now, debs.. will soupie you..
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 8:34:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    nette please take another pass at it pretending you are Caleb & a hunter we can't change the 'voice'- don't worry David & Chas did 4 revisions & then to blend I had to revise the finished product again
  1. Date: 1/26/2014 7:53:00 AM
    ok... I think I've jumped into the deep end here...I know NOTHING of hunting, and could never kill, man or animal unless it was self defense. That, being said (I would fish instead) Yes, I have finished a first draft, and I do not know if the group will like where I have taken it...but like I said...I know NOTHING of hunting... let us know, Deb, should we post it, or soupie it to you?

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/26/2014 10:52:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    i don't hunt too, catie.. we are like the blind leading the blind, lol...
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 9:05:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yep! it does need some work.... help! :)
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 8:36:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    To me it still feels like it could be Caleb which is good. If any have advice about flow/meter let us know it is a wee bit stumbly off the tongue Catie-Did but you really GOT IN Caleb
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/26/2014 8:07:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ok...Im going to post it...but I know it needs help....LOL
  1. Date: 1/25/2014 10:55:00 PM
    debbie, first draft done.. i'll soupie you... need i post it on my page?...

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    PAPYRUS Avatar KEITH PAPYRUS Date: 1/26/2014 8:14:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    A few hours later and voila!
  1. Date: 1/25/2014 10:35:00 PM
    Am I too late? Skat, if so it is ok.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/26/2014 8:20:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    nope not too late Skat
  1. Date: 1/25/2014 8:43:00 PM
    Debbie this is an amazing idea, and to all involved what an awesome piece of collective art. I'll just get out of the way. Well done to you all.

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    Smith-Johnsen Avatar Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen Date: 1/26/2014 9:12:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I love the idea , too!
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/25/2014 9:47:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    don't get out of the way stay and give your ideas & question if you like, we don't bite ;)
  1. Date: 1/25/2014 6:19:00 PM
    waiiit for just while, debbs.. will post real soon as i just saw this now.... okay , will start with said line.. huggs

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/25/2014 6:22:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    great nette!
  1. Date: 1/25/2014 4:01:00 PM
    Hi Debbie I prefer Chas's as well...it fits in much better than mine....David

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    onclaud Avatar nette onclaud Date: 1/26/2014 10:47:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    where's yours, david?
    Williams Avatar David Williams Date: 1/25/2014 5:24:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Don't worry I will still give critique...and help as much as possible...when needed....
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/25/2014 4:57:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Okies , you still wrote one heck of a good sonnet & it does stand alone very well & you are going to enter it into the contest WHEN its posted
  1. Date: 1/25/2014 12:14:00 PM
    So 3 for the Chas rework [Isiah, Catie & Roy] 2, Marlon & I would work with David's. I'll BBS I'll give the rest of you a couple more hours to speak up - then I'll let you know & do the suggested rewriting of bringing it all into the PRESENT in first person - PHEW this is a lot of work! BUT FUN!

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  1. Date: 1/25/2014 11:11:00 AM
    I am in favour of #2 by C. H. The reworking helped me understand the poem, as it is somewhat abstract and ambiguous, but it also takes away from the spark and originality of the poem. Most of the reworking in the second quatrain I am in favour of.

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  1. Date: 1/25/2014 10:53:00 AM
    You are right Dave, I had rather have line 2 "I have" instead of the contraction.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/25/2014 12:08:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    which sonnet, which verse?
  1. Date: 1/25/2014 9:45:00 AM
    I like the rework of Chas's #2. My feeling is that a crown of sonnets should be somewhat like a sonnet. You need a "volta" sonnet, but not until about #5 or #6. Too soon in the 2nd sonnet.

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/25/2014 12:05:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    yes that was the problem I was try to correct for we need the hunter ALIVE
    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/25/2014 9:49:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I was thinking the same thing...LOL
  1. Date: 1/25/2014 9:16:00 AM
    Personally I don't want the sonnet to go INSIDE because we have to write 7 and it will be much easier to SEE things [SHOW/not TELL] if we are in reality & NOT in the MIND - we don't have to show animals getting killed, we can show the joy of tracking the animals, we can show how the animals themselves can instill fear in the man at night in the dark of the COLD STONES he sits beside sleeps on how death can come to him by natures hand [sensory VISERAL! you have to pull the reader through 7 sonnets]

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    Lindsey Avatar Catie Lindsey Date: 1/25/2014 9:49:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    ok...will do my best to focus on those things....
  1. Date: 1/25/2014 9:06:00 AM
    Hi Debbie ok my two cents...the rework I quite like and, I understand why, but last line 1st stanza 10th line...doesn't quite flow and I think caleb's 12th line would flow better if it read "he never shall part" Chas's rework 2nd line 9syll and 3rd and 10th have 11syll, to my tongue maybe it's the way I pronounce them....

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    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi Date: 1/25/2014 9:12:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Okies David .. once we decide & get nette & catie working we can tweak more on rhythm & count-going to gym BBS
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My Past Blog Posts

 
Global Secret Santas
Date Posted: 12/4/2014 2:31:00 PM
What Does the X in Xmas Stand For?
Date Posted: 12/2/2014 11:56:00 AM
Peace Through Understanding Using Poetry & Art
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Chan Hurst
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The World is FULL of Good Books
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Things That Make You Go Hmmm
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The Power and Peril of Punctuation
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Aiming for Poetry as an ART
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More, More, More
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Published Poetry of the 21st Century [not mine]
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Thank Ruben! OH Oh, Mr. O
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SHUF Home of Experimental Poetics
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Grrrr PS please STOP
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Dead Snakes
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Sijo
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Help Me
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My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoemTitleFormCategories
12/10/2014 A Christmas Snow Villanellechildren,
12/1/2014 Le Buff Claus - What's Up With Santa Rhymefantasy,funny,
11/25/2014 Death Muses of ISIS Verseafrica,violence,war,
11/24/2014 Chopped III-Suicidal Dick's Prose Poetrymystery,
11/23/2014 A Supreme Summer Free versework,
11/23/2014 Frozen in Crystalline - Number 7 Crystallinefaith,
11/17/2014 illusions of man Blitzabsence,beauty,bereavemen
11/14/2014 Tyree Gits the Boot Limerickcowboy,
11/8/2014 Clue II Haibunmystery,
11/7/2014 A Heart of Gold Versebeauty,father,friendship,
11/6/2014 Pie Eyed Sonnetfood,
11/2/2014 Boxers Versesports,
10/30/2014 Astral Ash Biofarewell,
10/29/2014 ashes fall from the joss stick: finger bone Prose Poetrydeath,
10/22/2014 Blessed Outcomes Alexandrinedesire,devotion,love,myth
10/21/2014 Above the Broad Versemen,woman,
10/21/2014 The Oracle's Descent Rispettomythology,
10/20/2014 The Party's Over Versebetrayal,
10/20/2014 Fall's Bounty Sonnetbeauty,
10/15/2014 Dark Angels of Highgate Sestinadeath,
10/3/2014 Destiny Number 5 Limerickfunny,
9/30/2014 Forever Blowing Bubbles Limerickhumor,
9/29/2014 Autumn Acrosticautumn,
9/28/2014 Free Form Verselife,
9/23/2014 Eccentric Eyes Sonnetpain,
9/23/2014 Hiding Places Haibunabuse,
9/23/2014 Daddies Girl Free versechildhood,
9/16/2014 Holy is the Lamb Free versepeople,philosophy,
9/3/2014 The Devil Made Me Do It Haibunanger,feelings,relationsh
9/2/2014 Watching the Shadows Grow Trioletnature,
8/29/2014 Petty-Cured Abecedarianfunny,
8/26/2014 Love Froze the Flame Ghazallost love,love,
8/21/2014 Mist Rise Ottava rimabeauty,
8/19/2014 Bewitching Power Rhymemen,power,
8/15/2014 Unknown Innocence Sonnetfaith,
8/13/2014 Mi Corazon Lyricromance,
8/12/2014 What Ever Gets You Through the Night Versefaith,
8/7/2014 Prayer for Harvest Versesky,
8/4/2014 Black Ships Sail Tail-rhymeabsence,
7/31/2014 The Sky Larked Moon Versemoon,
7/31/2014 White Shoulder Dreams Free versemissing you,
7/31/2014 Masked at Midnight Blitzmurder,mystery,
7/28/2014 Velvet as Laughter - Blitz Versejoy,
7/24/2014 Soar Among Stars Versegrowth,
7/22/2014 Peek A Boo Versebaby,
7/19/2014 Ride Sally Ride Balladsexy,
7/19/2014 sun shower Haikucelebration,
7/19/2014 Turtle Bridge Free versemythology,
7/17/2014 The Scent of Water Verselife,
7/15/2014 The Great Turtle and Sky Woman Rhymemythology,
7/12/2014 The Clarity of Eye Sonnetuplifting,visionary,
7/11/2014 Shattered Stages Verseloss,
7/4/2014 Debbie's Rhyme Schema Versefun,
7/1/2014 Moonlight Kisses Ghazalsea,
6/25/2014 Somnabulant Sijonature,
6/24/2014 Going Down Limericklust,
6/24/2014 Dick's Pick Limerickgirlfriend,
6/24/2014 Penance Versefaith,
6/17/2014 Lord Harry's Front Limerickfunny,gender,
6/13/2014 Sea Saw Versesea,
6/10/2014 Dream Catchers Sijoappreciation,change,
6/9/2014 Glass Bells Free versebeauty,
6/7/2014 The Virgin, the Villian and the Black Dog Sonnetlost love,
6/2/2014 Munch's Moon Verselonely,longing,
5/18/2014 Smiling Charmed Versetime,
5/17/2014 The Day's Mourning Terzanellebereavement,
5/16/2014 blonde bombshell Senryudeath,
5/16/2014 I See Your Shell Terza Rimaabuse,introspection,sad l
5/15/2014 Awash Terzanellenature,sad,
5/15/2014 Picture Perfect Versebeauty,
5/15/2014 Sunset Compliment Dizainbeauty,
5/7/2014 MacCool's Tool Limerickallusion,humor,
5/2/2014 The Red Tide Kyriellechildhood,violence,war,wi
4/30/2014 Antique Knights Ghazalcar,cool,
4/22/2014 Blood Moon Coupletchange,death,eulogy,
4/22/2014 -drainpipes rattle on - Tanka Tankaspring,
4/21/2014 Thunder Dome Sonnetlife,
4/17/2014 Wolf Pacts Sonnetpolitical,pollution,pover
4/17/2014 Thread Time Verseuplifting,
4/16/2014 Itty Bitty Spring Tankanature,
4/16/2014 Wind Born Free versedream,
4/12/2014 Crest Fallen Versecolor,
4/8/2014 Skin Deep Free versemagic,
4/7/2014 Dark And Mystical Versenight,
4/5/2014 Tick Tock - Itty Bitty Free verseage,funny,
4/4/2014 Sweety Peeps Versecandy,child,
4/2/2014 Trash Talkin' Free versepoems,
4/1/2014 The Handy Man Limerickfunny,funny love,
3/28/2014 March Goosebumps Sonnetspring,wind,
3/23/2014 St Catherine's Wheel Free versesky,
3/19/2014 He Crowed the Night Free versenight,
3/15/2014 Memories on the Branch Rhymeseasons,
3/14/2014 Crotches and Scotches Limerickfunny,
3/13/2014 Pushing the Envelope Free versespring,
3/13/2014 Truth Limerickfunny,
3/7/2014 Life is What You Make It Sonnetloss,
2/28/2014 Dewberry Cobbler Haibungrowing up,
2/24/2014 Remember Kent State Free versewar,
2/22/2014 What's White Got to Do With It Rhymenostalgia,parody,
2/21/2014 The Naughty Boy Quatraincare,

My Photos


Fav Poems

PoemTitleFormCategories
God Free verselife,mystery,
Hard Times Cowboycowboy-western,family,fun
For Things Once Counted Rhymeintrospection,loss,uplift
Petal Verselove,
Defender of the Wastes Free verseart,life,parody,world,
Birth Imagismchildhood,life
this is why i woo words Verseart,inspirational,philoso
Forbear Free versesad,
Belongings Rhymeloss,love,mother,peacewor
Gold Fever Free versefaithfaith,political,
Splattered I do not know?life
Echo Quatrainlost lovewords,love,
Bells (after Poe) Lyricpassion
Respectfully, Emily Dickinson Lyricintrospection
Give the End Back to the Beginning Free versededication,faithme,
The Bruised and Rotting Pear Coupletfaith,hope
fly Free verseanimals
ABC's for a Young Captain ABClife
Not Entirely About Living In New York Free verselifeworld,light,light,
Woodcutter I do not know?warold,old,
Dreams Free versefaith,forgiveness
A Feed of Chips Narrativefunny
Weep O Willows Versedeath
Harlem Blues Free verseblack-african amerchildre
Summers Everlasting Free versenostalgia
EASTER IVY Narrativefriendshipeaster,,cousin,
The Sowing Free versedevotion,
End of days Rhymeinspirational,lifeme,war,
Past-Life Nightmare Narrativemystery,autumn,
I dream of you (to JEW) Free verseimagination,lovenight,swe
jellyfish back strophe Imagismallegory,nature,on writin
Disposable Wisdom Rhymeage,cat,life,wisdom,
Loneliness Rhymeintrospection,life
Remission (In Memory of William Watt). Elegybrother,death,nostalgiawo
The Day That Died Forever Free verseadventure,angst,art,confu
Heritage Quatrainadventure,cowboy-western,
Summer Matinee Narrativebrother,me,
The Moon and I I do not know?hope,life,love,nature,pea
Seeking, Searching Free verseimaginationlove,
BEFORE SPRING CAME Narrativeadventure,animals,childho
Pledge Sonnetdevotion
Wild Cherry Tree Free versechildhood,devotion,nature
Words from the Oracle Layallegory,philosophy
Science Free verse 
Mona Lisa resembles Chokaart
AND WITH MERRIEST SPIRIT Quintain (English)faith,father,holiday,insp
Cotton-Pickin' Paradise Versechildhood,life,nostalgia,
Where The Sycamore Grew Free verseautumn,family,house,life,
Larks Free versedeath,devotion,imaginatio
Big Bang Limerickfunny,science
winter (do not forget among the loss of flowers) me Free verse 
Let I do not know?loveme,me,
He Was Smoking Hot I do not know?funny
Alabaster Night Free versenature,sea,
Haunted Orb Haikufantasy,nature
This Night Sonnet 
Tombstones & Teacups Rhymeallegory,childhood,death,
Today Not Tomorrow Free versededication,depression,gir
Years Of The Rose Free verselost love,loveday,
The Joy that Sweetly Stays Free versehappinessjoy,
Cinder Girl Rhymelovelove,
Biography (Thesis Statement) Versehistory,life,philosophyli
Figure Fusion Verseart,sports
Dancing Bird - with video link Free verseanimals,introspection,nat
Poem for a sensuous poet Free versefantasy,on writing and wo
The Road Walked Down Through the Years Rhymelife,on writing and words
The Iceman Cometh! Rhymenostalgia
He says/ She says Narrativelife
I've seen so many Sonnetintrospectionnight,night,
Searching for Michelangelo Free verseart,hope,life,people,imag
When Madness Rides on Moonlight Sestinalovegod,light,god,life,li
Falling Stars Free versehopestar,star,
Before the City Wakes Sonnet 
realisation of self (War Child) Free verseme,me,
Reporting Live On The Soup (Colorado) Rhymefunnyme,me,
Late at night Lyricimaginationme,fear,me,
Reverencing Nature Balladfaith,naturenature,heart,
Dreams Coupletimagination
Simple Pleasures Rhymehappinesssummer,summer,
I Exist Pantoumintrospectionlife,me,
Leaving Madrid Blank versenostalgia,travel
Magnolia Song Free verselove,romance,
yellow bus roars through Haikuallegory,nature,places
Ethel's Remedies Rhymefunny,people
A Dream In The Mist Narrativefantasy,imagination,natur
volga 1 - 3 Prose Poetryfantasy
Mama's Cleaning Quatrainintrospection,life,mother
UPROOTING THE HEART VEINS Free verseangst,hope,mysteryme,
Revelation Free verseimagination,lifesong,epic
Sports Limerick Limerickfunny
Don't Come Free versedeath,lost love,me,
The Snowflake Italian Sonnetgirlfriend-boyfriend,roma
Love Beyond the Pale Quatraindevotion,lost love,
Jack Lyricintrospectionlife,
Night Visions Free verselost love,passion,
The Ghost That Travels Far Personificationnature
Kite Flying - Test Free verseallegory,art,imagination,
Dining with Crow Rhymeanimals
Beauty, yes Sijohope,imagination,philosop
Smart and Final Prose Prose Poetrypeoplepeople,red,city,peo

Fav Poets

PoetCountry 
Carolyn Devonshire United States Flag United States Read
Carrie Richards United States Flag United States Read
Deirdre Omaidin Ireland Flag Ireland Read
Andrew Crisci United States Flag United States Read
Jim Fish United States Flag United States Read
Debbie Guzzi United States Flag United States Read
Nigel Fawcett Italy Flag Italy Read
L'nass Shango United States Flag United States Read
Andrea Dietrich United States Flag United States Read
Robert L. Hinshaw United States Flag United States Read
Chris D. Aechtner Canada Flag Canada Read
nette onclaud Philippines Flag Philippines Read
Sidney Beck Russian Federation Flag Russian Federation Read
Sami Al-khalili Canada Flag Canada Read
Charlotte Puddifoot United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Cyndi MacMillan Canada Flag Canada Read
T Wignesan _Not Listed Flag _Not Listed Read
Elaine George Canada Flag Canada Read
sharon Winter United States Flag United States Read
Michael Smith United States Flag United States Read
jack horne United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Catie Lindsey United States Flag United States Read