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Kirstie Fontes's Blog

About Kirstie Fontes
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Woman, Libra, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Portuguese, Singer, Writer, Reader, Pepsi Drinker, Texter, Music Lover, Friend, Shopaholic, Picture Taker, God’s Child, Romantic, Brunette, Movie-goer, Meat Eater, Spectator, Day Dreamer, Homebody, People Watcher, Optimist, Sun Lover, Odd Ball, Prayer, Introvert, Finger Crosser, Believer.

How do I go on..........

Blog Posted:8/11/2013 8:23:00 AM

        Since I was last on here my life has changed drastically. I divorced my husband of 16 years, finally seeing just how toxic that relationship was for me.  I was reunited with my best friend from high school and married him. So I'm remarried already and very happy with him. 
        My new husband and I were expecting our first baby this September, but this last Sunday my world collapsed. I was 33 weeks pregnant and everything seemed to be going well. All the tests and ultrasounds looked good...however my baby boy didn't make it.  His heart stopped beating (and they don't know why), they induced labor and on Tuesday I delivered my stillborn son... I am devastated!!! He was beautiful and looked so healthy, I got to hold him and name him....I just don't understand....what did I do wrong?!?!
         I'm not really looking for answers...just hurting...I will forever love my son Matthew and miss the life we could have had....
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  1. Date: 8/11/2013 7:14:00 PM
    My heart goes out to you and sending comfort. Matthew wont be far away from you ever. All the best to you, Prayers, Colleen

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  1. Date: 8/11/2013 11:52:00 AM
    You go on in his honor, you go on with your love for him and his for you and knowing his spirit, his soul will never die and trust in that love. God bless!

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  1. Date: 8/11/2013 11:45:00 AM
    sad to hear of your loss. I have no answer to give. my 21 year old daughter passed the same loss March 23 -13 ..... up to this day, all she does is punish herself and ask, what did she do wrong. I cry for her with her,... I am proud of her, this made her stronger. she still grieves over Baby Bale, who was a stillborn baby at 33 weeks. We will never understand. :-( I held him with non stop tears. I can not explain the feeling that day, nor will I put it behind me. It's hard to explain to friends and family, not only did I see my grandson enter this world without a breath or heartbeat. I felt everything in my daughter die that very day. :-( Matthew is a beautiful boys name...luv...linda

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  1. Date: 8/11/2013 9:43:00 AM
    He's in Gods hands... You'll see him some day again... Sorry for your loss... Some times those things just happen...

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  1. Date: 8/11/2013 8:59:00 AM
    Firstly You did nothing wrong, remember that, I am a midwife so please trust me when I say this. Secondly The hurt will never pass just get easier, Most of all you and your husband need each other more than ever, remember he lost a child as well. Your son will watch over you, always at your sides...Seren

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  1. Date: 8/11/2013 8:39:00 AM
    Dear Kirstie, you may not know me, but I'm familiar with your name from your blogs before--sending you some hugs and prayers for strength right now. I'm really so sorry for your loss :(, I can only imagine how devastating this is for you and your husband :(. We really don't know sometimes why tragedies happen, but yes, I think that each second that Matthew was with you, he felt your love. Draw strength from those who love you, and from God. You have an angel with you always now, and he's definitely in your hearts... my prayers & thoughts are with you & your family-- Nikko

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My Past Blog Posts

How do I go on..........
Date Posted: 8/11/2013 8:23:00 AM
My life is in a shit house....
Date Posted: 5/23/2012 4:03:00 PM
Happy Veterans Day
Date Posted: 11/11/2010 7:41:00 AM
Man's Search for Meaning
Date Posted: 9/13/2010 1:41:00 PM
On the issue of taking kids to school on the first day...
Date Posted: 8/30/2010 10:05:00 AM
Date Posted: 6/22/2010 11:51:00 AM
Que Sera, Sera
Date Posted: 8/11/2009 9:21:00 AM
I'm Back .... Kinda
Date Posted: 12/3/2007 12:48:00 AM
Now I have Pneumonia!!!!!!!
Date Posted: 10/19/2007 6:03:00 PM
Thanks to all my Poetrysoup Friends
Date Posted: 10/1/2007 8:48:00 PM
Date Posted: 9/18/2007 1:45:00 PM
Update on "First Time Home Buyer"
Date Posted: 8/30/2007 11:03:00 AM
In the mind of a Dreamer!
Date Posted: 7/30/2007 1:27:00 PM
Busy, Busy, Busy
Date Posted: 7/27/2007 4:50:00 PM
Sweet voices calling out
Date Posted: 7/20/2007 9:09:00 AM
Thank you for your comments
Date Posted: 7/13/2007 3:11:00 PM
First Time Home Buyer.
Date Posted: 7/10/2007 2:55:00 PM

My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoem TitleFormCategories
9/12/2013A Mother's GriefFree versedeath
5/24/2012A Partial telling of the Molested ChildI do not know?childhood,confusion,fear,
5/23/2012My PleaLyricdepression,life,song-lyri
7/14/2011Love UnconditionalRhymeanniversary,devotion,husb
7/14/2010Happy AnniversayFree verseanniversary,devotion,love
6/22/2010Life On Hold.....Rhymelifeday,
12/9/2009Christmas PoemRhymeholiday
11/10/2009Tattered HeartRhymeloss,love,heart,heart,lov
8/11/2009The GiftRhymefaith,hope,life,loveme,li
8/11/2009Sleep DepravationHaikulifelonging,
8/10/2009A New DayCouplethope,peace,uplifting
4/8/2009Eternal TormentRhymeangst,confusionme,
3/25/2009My Little GirlFree versechildhood,daughter,happin
3/24/2009Love MeRhymedevotion,husband,loveme,l
1/8/2009Slowing DownRhymechildhood,education,famil
8/13/2008Inspire MeRhymefriendship,hope,husband,l
7/21/2008Call Into The NightRhymeangst,confusion,death,dep
6/15/2008Because You Didn’t Have To BeRhymedevotion,father,love,me,l
3/21/2008Birthday WishesRhymechildhood,daughter,philos
2/20/2008Plea for SanityRhymeangst,confusion,depressio
2/20/200813 YearsRhymehusband,love,wife,day,lov
12/12/2007A Sisters LoveRhymebrother,devotion,family,h
10/16/2007Loves EmbraceLyriclove,passion,time,me,time
10/13/2007Is This ItRhymeangst,caregiving,confusio
9/21/2007Beautiful ShelbyRhymedaughter,happiness,hope,l
9/21/2007To My DaddyI do not know?childhood,family,father,
9/20/2007ForeverI do not know?devotion,family,friendshi
9/20/2007Because Of YouI do not know?hope,husband,love,heart,h
8/10/2007Longing for PeaceRhymeconfusion,depression,life
7/10/2007SOLDIERAcrosticdevotion,passion,thank yo
7/3/2007To My Angel MotherLyriccaregiving,daughter,famil
6/28/2007Life's PathRhymefaith,life,future,me,i lo
6/22/2007Sweet EmilyRhymedaughter,faith,happiness,
6/19/2007Screaming In SilenceRhymeangst,confusion,death,dev
6/19/2007Hidden BeautyRhymelove,peace,uplifting,
6/18/2007TO JAMESRhymedevotion,husband,life,lov

My Photos


Fav Poems

Poem TitleFormCategories
To Believe or Not To Believe: The Power of UnbeliefOde inspirational,life,philos
Yes, There Really is MonstersSonnetchildhood,recovery from..
The Island of Unlived DreamsImagismhope,life,sea,
MOLESTEDAcrosticchildhood,recovery from..
BIPOLARAcrosticrecovery from...,sad,
Mental ShoesSonnetlife,recovery from...,sad
Precious Time .I do not know?life,time,
FailureFree versepolitical,social,prayer,
Last SundayLyricangst,introspection,life,
Dry TearsRhymehusband,introspection,los
Thats a sinCoupletconfusion,faith,life,peop
My Pen CollectionCoupletdevotion,faith,hope,life,
A Date With DestinyRhymelife
The perfect momentLyricfriendship,hope,peace,rom

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