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4/4/2012 12:42:38 AM dillon lewis Posts: 2	hear the voices calling whistling through the trees they say aloud to the gathering crowd take to the open sea the voices are growing louder we must be getting close their shrieks and cheers put a ring in my ears its time to silence these ghosts the voices are deadly silent never to be heard again i took to the sea they spoke unto me needing no more then a friend
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4/4/2012 7:09:27 AM Kara McLain Posts: 7	I love the feel and flow. It has a very mystical feel. Though the lack of punctuation gives it an almost desperate feeling.
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4/16/2012 2:33:26 PM Poet Destroyer A Posts: 5	hummmmmake it a bit more intresting... you were headed the right direction... with the imagination of the gathering crowd... keep up the good work... always...pd -- ~PD~
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10/1/2014 9:34:30 AM Bob Atkinson Posts: 294	MrMojoRisin wrote: hear the voices calling whistling through the trees .... counted the word "the" 6 times, should be used rarely. they say aloud ..... "they?" who's they? to the gathering crowd ....dump the "the" take to the open sea ....dump the the" .... "sea?" what sea? trite phrase the voices are growing louder .... "the" dump it we must be getting close .... "we?" who's we? their shrieks and cheers ... "their?" .... who's they? put a ring in my ears .... "ring in my ears" .... trite phrase its time to silence these ghosts .... "its" .... don't you mean it's? the voices are deadly silent .... dump the "the".... deadly silent ... trite phrase never to be heard again .... trite phrase i took to the sea ... sea? what sea.... in a boat? swim? they spoke unto me ...."they?" who's they needing no more then a friend .....then should be than edited by Bob_Atkinson on 10/1/2014
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