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5/25/2011 7:28:21 AM Spade Sincuna Posts: 28	Your honest opinion will really be appreciated. It is not the pale moon that brought you here nor the longing for a sober night. There is a sliding melody between your footsteps, and your lips whisper a song full of vowels to the wind. I can read the sorrow in your eyes, better than the scintillating symmetry of the stars. And if you could feel the pulse of my quivering roots underneath the weary soles of your feet, you may know how to use my branches for lumber during those nights when you need warmth. Use my leaves as shelter, when the falling snow seeks to numb your skin. When you are angry, you are free to peel off parts of me. And carve out little bits of your secret thoughts on my bark when you are lonely. All I want, is to be the shade that protects you from the scorching eyes of the world.
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7/18/2011 6:52:11 PM Paloma Walker Posts: 4	This is beautiful. What does "whisper a song full of vowels to the wind" mean? Just curious.
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9/4/2011 11:42:06 PM Keith Baker Posts: 18	Start "There is..." on line two as line three, it bothered me enough that I had to stop reading the poem and come down and write this. Actually you are doing that a lot and it's distracting. The flow needs work. "... a song full of vowels," I don't understand it and it seems like you were trying too hard. "...scintillating symmetry" doesn't really make sense to me, one of the two shouldn't be there. Seems like a knockoff of The Giving Tree. Otherwise it is a really great idea, just play around with it a bit and it could be great, keep the last stanza as is. That's the best part.
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