Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/25/2011 11:00:17 AM
Aron Jacob
Posts: 12
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TO SEE FAIR LOVE
If once a flower stood in heaven's light,
fair petals, windswept, tending toward the dawn,
If ever vim exhaled from violet night,
redolent of her vigor, curtains drawn,
As meditative falls hum nature's rite,
so rapturous as queen unto her pawn,
To see fair love as certain in the heart,
I beseech you, heaven, may this be a start.
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General critique is invited, but I'm also interested in a particular question: I had to add a short extra syllable to the iambic pentameter in the last line and I'm not sure if it is too distracting, especially at such a crucial moment as the end of the poem. Any comments? Thanks in advance!
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3/26/2011 5:36:25 AM
RAQUEL p
Posts: 12
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I don't think the extra syllable is distracting at all. Great poem!
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