Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
10/1/2016 1:27:08 PM
Terry Robinson Posts: 49
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A town wheezes the last rites over its people through phlegm-ridden lungs and turgid cankers.
Its blistered wounds are coated in the mud that lines its harbour and creeks.
The loss of the dockyards was its lowest tide.
Now, existing work taunts the town from the other side of the harbour, separated by low tides and disused ferries.
As the town slides closer to its knees, the landords willingingly house the subsidised washouts.
And gang fights marry into husband and wife fights, twisted around petty pride and sectarian bigotry.
Leaving kids to run about half-stoned and roaring with cider, where the unpredictable waits around the corner.
And rape happens behind the church, under God's careful watch, where worship of the needle leaves only emptied lives.
And lost souls sleep under cardboard palaces.
This is a town that wants them out, so that it can shut the doors, draw the blinds and start again. edited by trobbo44 on 10/1/2016 edited by trobbo44 on 10/25/2016
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10/17/2016 1:14:55 PM
Graphite Drug Posts: 81
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Interesting work. It makes readers curious about thelocation. Not sure if it is a good idea for the poet to disclose its location. I would like more details though. The line, “The loss of the dockyards was its lowes tide” Confuses me. I wonder if “lowes” should be something else.
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10/27/2016 4:50:38 PM
Terry Robinson Posts: 49
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It's meant to read, lowest tidegraphitedrug wrote:
Interesting work. It makes readers curious about thelocation. Not sure if it is a good idea for the poet to disclose its location. I would like more details though. The line, “The loss of the dockyards was its lowes tide” Confuses me. I wonder if “lowes” should be something else.
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10/27/2016 4:51:33 PM
Terry Robinson Posts: 49
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trobbo44 wrote:
It's meant to read, lowest tide graphitedrug wrote: Interesting work. It makes readers curious about thelocation. Not sure if it is a good idea for the poet to disclose its location. I would like more details though. The line, “The loss of the dockyards was its lowes tide” Confuses me. I wonder if “lowes” should be something else.
It's meant to read 'lowest tide'
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