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4/10/2015 6:29:34 PM K.M North Posts: 97	and all those girls we kissed the ones with the scars from desperate lonely nights on their wrists we played the songs until we broke the speakers boys were ripe with wondering hands and the girls with their talented fingers and when we'd all come together some of the best times I can remember and when me and her would come together i swore it'd never get any better we tossed around faithful four letter words even though we knew we were faithless and impure sometimes we'd disappear for days at a time come back three days drunk and still feeling high the bands would play as the fires died and we'd down our double whiskey cokes with no ice and when we'd all come together some of the best times I can remember and when me and her would come together i swore it'd never get any better we were the worst sins on the most innocent lips i was a vague saint she was thunderstruck when she came the girls and the guys they're either drunk or high once you're born here you're a townie for life
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4/14/2015 4:14:58 PM Graphite Drug Posts: 81	A rather juvenile compilation of cliché kitch. Some attemptat meter would probably help it more than any rhyme. “we were the worst sins/on the most innocent lips” Rather, “we wore the worst sins/ on most innocent oflips” It is much easier to refrain from explaining feet and accent and just suggestthat you try making your lines an even length. You’re trying. There areprofessionals on this website. Try capitalizing “I”.
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4/14/2015 4:38:39 PM K.M North Posts: 97	Well thanks Man, I'll called you Drug. It actually goes together with a set of like 7 other ones I just posted it on here for fun. It might read a bit funny simply cause it's a song rather than a strict poem, thus I totally get your idea for changing around wording a bit. As cliche as it might be, this is literally every single person I went to high school with. Also my writing program doesn't capitalize anything {makes it awfully annoying, I wish I had my old writing program, the new one for windows 8.1 is so awful it's not funny} so I apologize for not fixing it, I had fixed the other things I've posted just so you know. I was simply too lazy to do that for this one. The professional thing, was that about the capitalization? or just in general? edited by Reisenhoffer on 4/14/2015
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