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11/14/2014 12:27:50 AM Rakesh Arava Posts: 2	I met a hand with eyes but no vision He touched me but only to fill his hunger And I with a heart floated with anger I wish I were a human But not of this hand I just asked one day but only within The muscular hand was no less than a muddle head In life it was panting for death And I In death panting for the former He knew he could free me But his knowledge is destined ignorance Alas! His heart pumps only blood, no care. To my one day I croaked to his deaf ears for years But for one day Neither a day is left nor a drop of hope My heart pounced on request And his on the lust to have me I swam in his desire not in his concern To my one day I croak now to the world Enchained in all this ego Is there a hero out to rescue me Oh I know the world is all a dark mirror of life I know this just in one day That my day has come ( Can anyone present a critical analysis of my poem; I am open to develop further)
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11/14/2014 11:13:47 PM paul martin Posts: 12	The first verse you use "I" five times separating the reader from the poem,poetry is a two way process the reader and the writer especially if you trying to evoke some kind of universal truth,there is complete lack of any Kind of poetic devices I.e assonance alliteration interior Rhyming which means the poem is hard to read and what you want to express gets lost in the muddle The writing has to harder crisper in poetry less is more You have to really think what you want to say then cut it Down until it flows like water Though saying all that you have basis of a very good poem It just needs alot of work and editing That's my two cent worth Keep writing and best of luck edited by The bad seed on 11/14/2014 edited by The bad seed on 11/14/2014
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