Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/19/2014 5:51:07 PM
Susan Payne Posts: 1
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Requiem of Elysium
Silver-lined beckoning moon beams dance along, disquieting sacred ground unmasked by truth, barefoot unencumbered broken promise-laden blue eyes.
You whispered flame into existence as if a stark naked sheath of sparkling midnight velvet skies, haunted in surreal angst revealing the beauty I will never possess.
Lost in revelry, the tune continues to play repetitiously, in tired mind and restless thought raging ember pulse coagulating, until feelings whist now eternally slowed, water breaks from horizon.
Restful reproach granted in heartbeat-time the metronome of life, always captures its prey succumbing in surrender, while the new dawn casts shadow over an oyster-made pearl on a rainy day in love.
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3/20/2014 3:49:58 PM
Michelle Adams Posts: 2
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I enjoyed it. Each sentance was well thought out and could stand alone and still be beautiful.
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3/31/2014 1:40:28 AM
Verlena S. Walker Posts: 3
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I enjoyed reading your poem. An advising tip would be to make your words play visually. This will enhance your writing and enrich the reader. Verlena S. Walker edited by Verlena on 3/31/2014 edited by Verlena on 3/31/2014
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6/12/2014 7:01:00 PM
Sydney Avey Posts: 3
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I looked up Requiem and Elysium in the dictionary. So this is about a remembrance of afterlife. Intriguing. Beautiful words here, but I am looking for a story or clear observation that is obscured. Verena and Ozzy's feedback capture my response. The words are beautiful. I need an image I can track so I have an understanding of what it means to remember an afterlife I've yet to experience.
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12/12/2014 11:30:55 PM
Kate Ginsberg Posts: 14
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You definitely have a poet's heart! And a vocabulary! I'm not one to critique others, as I've only been published in a vanity college collection (I paid). But I know what captures my poetic senses!
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