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Forum Home » High Critique » Tutankhaten and Meryet-Re: The Entombment

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10/11/2013 10:05:40 AM Elysabeth Faslund Posts: 2	EntombmentShould I come for you when night has fallen...Shall I call your name when twilight descends...Will temple bells hold you as dusk deepens...Will the Royal Priestesses be with you when I come...Will your eyes remember me when night has fallen...Will your hair still be scented with perfume...Should my steps be whisper-soft on the stone...Shall your annointed heart still be mine...Do you wish to meet the Lord of the Westeners...Do you, my beloved, find peace in the House of Gold...Was the Double Crown too heavy for my joy in life...Was the Nile cold when they washed and prepared you...Many tears of the gods have been shed for you...Many Great Ones will still your sorrow. And mine...Would you exchange one palace for another...Would you have a goddess escort you to the valley...Your favorite mirror and khol will forever be with you...Your beloved cat will live as you wished, my heart...There will be dancers and flowers and musicians...There can be no other to replace you in the Two Lands...You shall be as the sun and arise in the morning...You shall be a goddess...I place my ring on your sarcophagus for Eternity.
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10/11/2013 10:07:26 AM Elysabeth Faslund Posts: 2	Not the original format, but okay....GGGGGGGRRRRRRR edited by Elys on 10/11/2013
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10/12/2013 7:56:16 AM Just That Archaic Poet Posts: 89	Wish I could have read this in the format you intended; the way it's laid out now makes it more difficult for me to read, but the forum tends to screw up however you intended it to look. I have a question: did you mean to say, " steal your sorrow"? At any rate, I'm not a good judge of "free-verse" style, but I did like this piece. It transported me back to ancient Egypt in my imagination, which shows you have strong imagery. I wouldn't change anything about this piece; I like it "as is". I know that's not helpful, but other than my previous question, I can find no flaw or fault within this poem
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