Poetry Forum

Forum Home » Be Gentle » Come Out and Play

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

5/24/2013 12:50:07 AM Nato Calubiran Posts: 23	Cigars left aside Muddied floors The rain isn't stopping The thunder roars A creaking door The windows are open Shadows rise Then glasses were broken Hello there Would you come out and play As the children stare Ready to slay You run and run The fun has just begun The moment you'll hold still You'd feel a chill The moment you turn back The moment you'll die Tripping, a branch of a tree Children's faces with glee You shout and cry Asking the reason why As you wake up from this bad dream You'd realize you're in bed You'd just hurt your head Drink a pill Think slowly Think still Someone might enter Yes a child will Asking you Would you come out and play? Comments! Yes Comments! YEYEY! edited by Yamawaro on 5/24/2013
	• permalink • reply with quote
5/29/2013 11:53:42 AM Karlin K. Jensen Posts: 8	I got the impression of a paradox being played out, the adult and the children. However, you then twisted the stereotypical innocence of children into something very creepy. I quite enjoyed it
	• permalink • reply with quote
5/30/2013 8:26:22 PM Nato Calubiran Posts: 23	Thanks for the comment. Its somehow based on the movie also the title, "Come Out and Play" by Makarov
	• permalink • reply with quote