Book: Shattered Sighs

Get Your Premium Membership

Poetry Forum

home recent topics recent posts search faq

Forum Home » Be Gentle » You and me, we are energy

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/16/2013 8:17:35 PM

Gabe Shelly
Posts: 95
You and me, we are energy;
The dust from stars
That created us and planets as Mars.
And when we die it's okay to cry
Since we may then just become energy again;
That doesn't have a mind and is unrefined,
Having no soul as it goes into a Black Hole
permalink • reply with quote
1/27/2017 12:40:39 AM

aunna jones
Posts: 7
sweet!
permalink • reply with quote
3/28/2017 11:33:41 AM

Robert McVay
Posts: 4
from what I saw it was good but try to put a little more rhyme to it at the end.
permalink • reply with quote
4/8/2017 3:18:14 AM

niall fulham
Posts: 3
wow just what I was thinking , great stuff
permalink • reply with quote
4/8/2017 4:34:07 PM

Phil Capitano
Posts: 3
See my poem Interstellar Dust.
permalink • reply with quote
6/17/2017 3:57:32 AM

Ronn Ronn
Posts: 3
Great post. I was checking continuously this blogand I am impressed!
Very useful info specifically the last part Icare for such info much.
I was looking for this certain information for avery long time.

--
free hotmail login | hotmail account login | gmail sign up
permalink • reply with quote
7/28/2017 12:19:13 PM

Arnie Bee
Posts: 2
Gabe wrote:
You and me, we are energy; — I'd cut "we"
The dust from stars
That created us and planets as Mars.
And when we die it's okay to cry –— for some reason I really want to put "there's no need to cry" instead of ”it's okay to cry"
Since we may then just become energy again; —I'd cut "just"
That doesn't have a mind and is unrefined, —"That does not have a mind, It's unrefined,"
Having no soul as it goes into a Black Hole
”Having no soul, going straight to a black hole."


I like it. It's a funny piece.
permalink • reply with quote

Forum Home » Be Gentle » You and me, we are energy




Powered by AspNetForum 6.6.0.0 © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software