Gratitude for Willingness to Try Again - Kathleen Kroll's Blog

Snow is falling softly, steadily outside the window.  You can almost feel its stinging wetness.  There's a sense of safety looking outward from the hearth's interior.  Yet inside myself there is a jumble of emotions.  Yesterday was yet another page cut from ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows.   I muse to myself, 'How can  just one 24 hour period, we call a day, hold such a mash of of multifarious emotions and expectations?"  My daughter texts that she may need yet another surgery.  The chronic illness is taking a toll on the family.  A best friend of over 35 yeas turns 70.  We walk a memory lane of divorces, births, second marriages, and happy rendezvous as soulmates. My husband and I visit a travel agent and attack  part of an exotic, celebratory travel plan.  It feels as if it might actually happen at last. Later that evening we enjoy moments of peace as we light the third, joyous pink candle on the Advent Wreath.  Then deep sleep is interrupted by the day's memories and feelings of insecurity.  That morning I had  met with my book club.   We discussed a writing class in which I'm enrolled for spring 2017.  Doubts, insecurities and questions about my writing ability arose like a spectre feeding off my crumbling confidence.  Finally, my mindfulness training took over and I was able to let go and reenter sleep's doorway.   In the light of day, I'm ready to try  again.  I know that each sorrow will be met with a corresponding joy.