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Home » Poems & Poetry » Blogs » Comedian Cops: Another example of why they are grossly underpaid

Comedian Cops: Another example of why they are grossly underpaid - Tim Ryerson's Blog

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Comedian Cops: Another example of why they are grossly underpaid

Blog Posted:7/2/2013 1:48:00 PM

My nephew, Eric Ryerson is an investigator for SLED (South Carolina Law Enforcement Division)
He forwarded me this email:

Some actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16.. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."



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Lamoureux Avatar
Richard
Lamoureux
Date: 7/24/2013 7:51:00 AM
Love it. Thanks for the laugh
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A Avatar
Poet Destroyer
A
Date: 7/11/2013 6:43:00 PM
are we there yet :-)
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Ryerson Avatar
Tim
Ryerson
Date: 7/4/2013 12:07:00 PM
Th-Th-Th-That's all folks! 7. No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun. 8. Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION. 9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying
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Ryerson Avatar
Tim
Ryerson
Date: 7/4/2013 12:04:00 PM
Three more: 4. Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours. 5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive? 6. What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.
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Ryerson Avatar
Tim
Ryerson
Date: 7/4/2013 12:01:00 PM
A few more I found on the internet: 1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal. 2. Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary! 3. Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.
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Ryerson Avatar
Tim
Ryerson
Date: 7/4/2013 7:23:00 AM
Couldn't resist...Jailer to Elton John before he was locked up for DUI: "Do you need to use the John, Elton?"
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Dietrich Avatar
Andrea
Dietrich
Date: 7/2/2013 10:30:00 PM
In MY city, they don't let anyone off!! I can't stand our Keystone cops here! Good ones, Tim.
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Ryerson Avatar
Tim
Ryerson
Date: 7/2/2013 7:21:00 PM
I hear ya Frank!...I'm sure you weren't drinking, but in my younger, wilder days, me and my buddies often drove absolutely slobbering drunk...We didn't know what a seat belt was either...Once after closing time, I got a wild hair and decided to drive home in a rather unique way: In reverse... I also took special care to stop at every green light and proceed at every red light...Thank GOD it was 3 AM and the streets were mostly deserted...Now, you wouldn't see me so much as get on a bicycle after drinking...
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Ryerson Avatar
Tim Ryerson
Date: 7/2/2013 7:29:00 PM
And don't get me started on the politics cher!...I recall us having some rather lively discussions in the past!...I think we finally decided to agree to disagree (Or did we?) Uh oh, I think I see another blog coming...
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie
Guzzi
Date: 7/2/2013 6:27:00 PM
OMG since you are talking to an anarchist (that's not an anti Christ!) ;) AND a friend, from a Progressive Democrat to a right wing? Republican? I have to be REAL careful what I say here LOL [PS my wee sis is a police officer too /go figure?/] hmmmm {I'm thinking!} hmmm
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Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 7/2/2013 6:30:00 PM
I like #9 [Retort to #1 Canada and the UK have 'round-a-bouts BECAUSE the focus of their job is 'protect & serve not BRING IN REVENUE] #3 fulfills all my negative thoughts on the police, meaning they became police so they could carry guns and hurt who ever they please when they please and get away with it...[UT oh better stop! - take it away Frank!]
Ober Avatar
Heather
Ober
Date: 7/2/2013 2:12:00 PM
Hahaha love these, Tim - especially that last one.
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