One Of Those Sad Days

Written by: Jennifer Marie Oliver

I feel sad today 
Even though I'm not supposed to, I do
Sometimes it just sneaks up and overwhelms me
Fills my entire being with gloom
And the tears roll slowly, unstoppable
Never sobbing just rolling continuously 
Down my face, I can't even explain why
Other than I'm tired,so tired of the battle
Battling constant pain is so boring 
No one but those in pain understand
Because its invisible unseen it's also unexplainable
People get tired of listening to how badly I truly feel
After a while the friends I had are gone
They can't hear it anymore or somehow 
I think they feel it will rub off on them. 
So I try so hard to keep the facade 
Pretend I'm okay, look good when I'm out
Trying to play the role of a normal person 
When the fear of showing my invisible pain 
Scares me that it will be as ugly as it feels
Pretending that it doesn't hurt, that I'm not praying
That it will go away so I will be whole again. 
I hate the pills, the shots, the visits to any doctor.
It is not a life, just an existence that plagues my soul
Filling it with so much guilt for forcing my child 
To have to live with a mother always in pain. 
But eventually it ends, I push through this 
Darkness that encapsulates me. 
I try to coach myself into the next move 
Pulling out of this cave of dreariness 
And I pretend that I'm okay, and I move on
Constantly fighting, this cross I bear.
I pray that it is all for not. 
I hope that someday it will stop
And I can be the me I want to be
Do the things I want and need to do
And then people will start to 
Listen, and hear me again. 
But, for now, the tears flow
Slowly healing releasing the tortured soul
Cleansing it for another day when 
My steam kettle can hold no more 

Jennifer Marie Oliver