Painful Fate

Written by: Julie Alcin

Pain splatters teardrops on my brain
No wonder why I’m soaking from misery’s rain
I tried to comfort her and take her under my wing
But every time we talked her words left a burning sting
So I put a pillow over her head
Wishing and waiting for her to be dead
But instead she slapped me into confusion
Is my life real or not? A question that gives me frustration
So I used to hurt myself to know what’s real
I couldn’t even trust the way I feel
And the only feelings that I had are the ones I didn’t want
Like nightmares and relationships; and all the others that shall always taunt
I wanted to drink until I got severely drunk
Maybe that would get me out of this funk
But then I said no; I’m too afraid to be my father
Imagine everyone telling you that you’ll be just like that monster
I’ve been told that like a million times
And I felt like if I was slapped by billions of extremely sour limes
Words that almost made me commit suicide
Everything that broke me and made me fall
Yet didn’t kill me didn’t make me stronger at all
Why do people say things that make no sense?
Are they all lies or is my life just a bit intense
Why would I want to hear that I would be abusing
Backstabbing and abandoning everyone I’m supposed to be loving
And worst of all I look just like the monster that I hate
So I despise myself and my devastating fate
Because from the pain I cannot hide
I would rather put a gun to my head and pull the trigger
And hear my heartbeat quickly get bigger
Fall to my knees and say goodbye
And let my last tears fall from my eyes


Written under the influence of anger and depression