Life I have known

Written by: Jacen Cieno

I have a fear,
still residing within me.

The fear of my own
stupidity.

The fear of living this life alone.
Maybe it is fitting that I deserve to be
this way.

To know that only one could have ever 
accepted as I was.
Yet I did not truly deserve her.

But that is behind me now.

To give up the only thing
I thought I wanted,
what I thought I needed.

Yet after the fact,
it wasn't something I truly
was ready for.

I have finally seen myself 
for who and what I am.

I do not know if I will ever get
another chance.
If I will ever be accepted by another.

As I look at the conditions
in my life,
the lacking,
the unwanted qualities,
and characteristics.

From the material to the immaterial,
maybe it is best if this life be lived
as I know it best.

The way I live right now, alone.