ON THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS MY HUBBY GAVE TO ME--READ CAREFULLY

Written by: Cyndi MacMillan


On the first day of Christmas my husband gave to me
A hat from his office party

On the second day of Christmas my husband gave to me
2 Tons of Midol
And a hat from his office party

On the third day of Christmas my husband gave to me
3 Unpaid fines!
2 Tons of Midol
And a hat from his office party

On the forth day of Christmas my husband gave to me
4 Surprise guests
3 Unpaid fines
2 Tons of Midol
And a hat from his office party

On the fifth day of Christmas my husband gave to me
5 MINUTES OF PEACE! 

4 Surprise guests
3 Unpaid fines
2 Tons of Midol
And a hat from his office party

on the sixth day of Christmas my husband gave to me
6 Empty Molsons
5 MINUTES OF PEACE!
4 Surprise guests
3 Unpaid fines
2 Tons of Midol
and a hat from his office party

On the seventh day of Christmas my husband gave to me
7 I dunna knows
6 Empty Molsons
5 MINUTES OF PEACE. 
4 Surprise guests
3 Unpaid fines
2 Tons of Midol. 
And a hat from his office party

On the eighth day of Christmas my husband gave to me
8 Movies I hate
7 I dunna knows
6 Empty Molsons
5 MINUTES OF PEACE. 
4 Surprise guests
3 Unpaid fines
2 Tons of Midol
And a hat from his fricking office party.

On the ninth day of Christmas my husband gave to me
9 CONTROL PANTIES?!? 
8 Movies I hate
7 I dunna knows
6 Empty Molsons
5 MINUTES OF PEACE! 
4 Monster in laws
3 Pay your own fines!
2 NO! YOU take the Midol!
And a lame hat from his fricking office party!

On the tenth day of Christmas my bugger gave to me
10 BIG MAC COUPONS? HUH?
9 Control panties
8 Movies I hate
7 I dunna knows
6 Empty Molsons
5 MINUTES OF PEACE? JERK!
4 guests who won’t leave
3 HOW FAST WERE YOU GOING?
2 Where’s the Midol?
and a hat that makes me wanna puke!

On the eleventh day of hell my almost-ex gave to me
11 HOURS OF LAUNDRY! BITE ME!
10 Big Mac Coupons!
9 Control panties
8 Movies I hate
7 I dunna knows
6 Empty Molsons
5 MINUTES OF PEACE? 
4 SEND 'EM PACKING!
3 KISS MY FINE, BUCKO!
2 I O.D.ED ON MIDOL!
THEN I TORCHED THAT HAT ON HIS GRILL!

On the twelfth day of Christmas my Darling gave to me

12 apologies
11 slow kisses
10 Housework coupons
9 Satin teddies
8 Sappy chick flicks 
7 You were right, Dears!
6 bottles of Cristal  

5 SMALL BLUE PILLS! MEDIC!

4 Empty guest rooms
3 Explained fines
the 2 last Midols...
and my stud left on his sexy new hat! 

HA! 

By Cyndi MacMillan