haiku---help is appreciated
only one swan
circles the pond’s fouled waters
as she asks why
Reference so you can provide feedback and alternate arrangements or editing: We had two lovely swans in our central park, Victoria Park, in Kitchener. One of the swans just died recently. The pond is quite stagnant and the city is trying to clean it up. They are doing an autopsy on the swan. Swans mate for life and they are hoping to introduce a new mate to the widow. My daughter was used to seeing them together and asked why it was now alone. The moment was a chance for me to approach the subject of loss, a difficult conversation with a toddler. for full story and a beautiful picture of what my daughter got to see about once a week ... until the death.... http://www.kitchenerpost.ca/news/city-call-centre-did-all-they-could-for-swan-report-says/
So, is there a better way to capture this?
she asks why
only one swan circles
the pond’s fouled waters
I prefer the first.
Better word choice?
PS- I also prefer one line haiku, flow and a subtle juxtaposition.
Have at ‘er! All comments welcome.