Insanity or death

Written by: Vicky Tsiluma

What’s the use of life when death always looms around?
What’s the use of freedom if I have to walk around in chains?
You bind me with fear, for the sake of your laughter.
You reduce me to nothing to feed your illogically burning hatred.
It’s not your fault!!! It’s the madness that creeps up like a boil
And takes hold of your senses…
The madness that let’s you play Hamlet and casts me as Claudius
Plummeting you with delusions of grandeur; making you quiver with
hallucinations and turn against your own.
Clinically insane…paranoid schizophrenic…that’s what the doctor declared…
Your actions are beyond your control…the abuses…the beatings…the humiliation…
BUT WAIT!!!...
Who will powder my scars when morning comes?
Who will give me strength when my brain clouds in sadness?
And who will be my guide when I cloak myself with depression?
If I could pound your head to make you whole I’d take a tractor
and run you over.
I’d pluck out my finger nails one by one and add salt into my rotting flesh if
that meant your speedy recovery.
I’d pull out my teeth with pliers and dip my hand in acid just so
you can be the you you were before it all started…
I’m on my knees…I am begging you…SNAP OUT OF IT!
It’s me Mara…It’s me…Me, the one who cleans up your vomit and
covers you when you prance around naked. 
Me, the one who force feeds you to keep you from eating 
the dirt you prefer to food. Me, the one who puts on a brave face when all
others reject you. Me, the one who’s supposed to look up to you but instead
I’m looking after you…
I’m on the brink Mara…I can’t do this for long.
You might as well pierce my heart with a poisoned sword and
blame it on the ‘ecstasy of love’.
Then be sure to scatter my remains for all to witness this great tragedy.
…Save me from this agony Mara…Put me to rest.
For there’s no slower death than watching your loved one
grow insane.