Early Retirement

Written by: Natalie The Rogue Rhymer

There was this science teacher at my high school.  One of those idiots who had to kiss his boss’ ass to get ahead.  One of those insecure fools who would be far more suitable working in a lab with a microscope up his nose so far his eyes might begin to bulge out, or maybe even at Walmart.

Anyplace other than a school, subjecting poor kids to his nonsense.

So, the incompetent butt kisser somehow won Teacher of the Year.  What a joke!  The students got together, held a makeshift summit and devised a plan, one that would make school history.

Since Billy’s mom worked as a janitor, she had one of those “good” keys.  He yanked it from her one night when she slept soundly thanks to the Ambien Katie stole from her mom’s medicine cabinet.  It's a good thing Katie’s mama never watched the PSAs.

The night of the award ceremony, everyone got into position, and nodded to each other.  Mr. Idiot Science Teacher approached the podium to accept his award.  The administration clapped with cheesy smiles plastered on their idiot faces.

Then, down poured the eggs, “Carrie style."  Nearly 1,500 of them, courtesy of Jared’s grandpa’s farm.

A week later, we learned Mr. Idiot Science teacher retired. He was twenty seven.

Yesterday I stopped by Walmart to pick up some milk and eggs.  Standing behind the register...the retired science teacher.  As I walked away, I glanced down at the carton, thankful he didn’t work in the hunting department.