I Made It This Way

Written by: Cristyna Small

As time passes
So do all the new things you learn
	Unable to watch you grow
Hurts more than  I can handle
Pain so deep
Hidden within
	Fighting its way to the surface
Wanting to explode
My heart  never  as whole
	As it did the day I held you in my arms
Looking back at me
Your innocent eyes
So precious ~ So pure
	Perfect little baby
My perfect baby boy
How can you forgive me
Letting you go
	My son
Never know how much mommy loves you
	Replays in my mind over and over again
Why you’re gone
Reality of it all
Mommy let you go
  Gave up on what I was born to do…
	Have
Love and protect you 
All the wonderful things mommy was supposed to do
HATE ME
Kills me inside
	Leaves me numb
Realize ~ I didn’t choose you
When all you needed was me
		FAILED
I failed at what God blessed me with
  Baby boy
		Sorry
I miss you everyday
Want to lie down
	Just die
Cold
     Dark
           Alone inside
I made it this way
My baby
	Not you….