The Christian I am not

Written by: Sidney Hall Mad Poet

I have been a Christian  for many years,
Hiding behind the mad poet has drenched me with tears
For I am a sinner the chief of them all
Writing poetry that has made me feel appalled

I have coveted, lied, hated and stole
Indulged in adultery with an innocent sole
I have broken my family, and now live in separate homes
While writing perversions of my conquests in poems 

The thing that worries me, is that I feel nothing at all
This is what scares Sidney. C  Hall
I see the ten commandments almost all broken
Save for killing  no words of remorse that are spoken

Am I destined to a life burning  in hell?
As part of the masses with speeches that make heads swell
Denying God and not seeking his Grace
Awaiting the day to say “I have no excuse,” to his face

Or believing a lie that there is no forgiveness
And just going along my ungodly business
Ladies and Gentleman my soul is in turmoil
Sin runs through my veins causing my blood to boil

I say to myself Sid you need to change,
Then the next minute something take me out of range
But I feel nothing, so how can this scare me
If I feel nothing , why is fear in hell, I see

Could this be God preparing my final years
I hope and pray soaked in tears