Mothers pride

Written by: ned flanders

Mothers pride. 

Part one. 

"He never sees the light of day 
Or ever cuts the grass, 
He lies in bed all day 
Or just sits on his fat arse." 

"The toilet seat is never down 
He misses the damn bowl, 
Is up for half the night 
On that bloody games console." 

"He says" "This is my holiday" 
"As he awaits results, 
But I am sick fed up 
Of all that boys insults." 

"You will have to have a word 
He is your son as well, 
Tell him please to wash 
The little bugger smells." 

"There are dirty plates too many 
And cans beneath his bed, 
The room is just a tip 
And he thinks the Hoovers dead." 

"I am fed up with his laundry 
My handle has just flew 
You should count the T-shirts 
The little git goes through." 

"He never eats his meals 
No matter what I cook 
And if I tell him off 
He just gives me that strange look." 

"Enough it is enough 
It is no longer funny 
He thinks we have a tree 
That provides us all with money." 

"It is time he got a job 
Just like all his buddies, 
Instead of spouting Bull 
He needs this time to study." 

Part two. 

My results they all are in 
And I have done quite well, 
Mothers on the phone right now 
She has everyone to tell. 

So it is that my hard work 
Has got me into collage 
I"ll soon be on my way 
To gather up more knowledge. 

For I am Glasgow bound 
I leave home in September, 
I really cannot wait 
To become a student union member. 

All the family they all know 
So do all our friends 
My hard work really was worthwhile 
A means towards my end 

Part three. 

We sit alone together  
A silence both agree, 
Then Mother starts to cry 
Claims she will miss me. 

No more toothpaste top left off 
Wet towels upon the floor 
The naughty calendar 
The one I just adore 

Pinching Fathers beer 
The windows always closed  
Soft porn on the door 
With all that flesh exposed. 

Never making beds 
And all those dirty books 
Spending all that money 
To enhance my macho looks. 

Never doing chores 
And all my moans and groans 
Always wanting money 
For top ups for my phone. 

Then how proud she is 
Of her boy who"s  now a man 
And she is so convinced 
I have a five year plan. 

My stomach does a turn 
My balls are in a press 
My throat is kinda dry 
I"m in a full distress. 

The penny it has dropped 
Dropped right in my cup, 
This boy has joined the ranks 
Of those who must grow up!